Happy confident woman

5 steps to becoming happy and confident in your own skin

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 9, 2016

Whether you’re newly single or have been for a while, feeling happy and confident in your skin will make a world of difference to your dating life, says Rebecca Perkins.

‘The flower doesn’t dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes.’

If you’re recently become a divorced single or have been single for a long time, then it’s quite likely that your confidence and self-esteem has taken a bit of a battering. I’m sure I’m not the only one to have felt this way in the past; it can be really tough at times and you might start wondering whether you’ll ever feel happy and confident like your old self again. You will. I want to share some tips on getting your mojo back, feeling happy in yourself again and rebuilding your confidence.

1. Revisit your hobbies

Start by revisiting the things you used to do, whether that’s swimming, live music, baking, art classes or hiking. We often forget the things that make us feel good when we feel we’re being attacked from all quarters. Take up an old hobby or start something you’ve always fancied trying out. It’ll get you thinking outside of yourself and encourage you to get out of your comfort zone – you know that’s where the magic happens, right?

2. Keep gratItude Journal

Keep a journal by your bed and write in it every evening before you go to sleep. Switch off your electronics in plenty of time, grab your notebook and pen, and sit for a few moments contemplating all that you are grateful for in your life. Even when things are really tough, you’ll always find things that you’re grateful for – the great coffee you had this morning; that text message from a friend that made you smile; your comfortable, cosy bed; even your favourite pair of jeans! When practiced on a regular basis, gratitude has been shown to really help shift our mindset around happiness.

3. Appreciate the little things

Start by acknowledging the little things about yourself that you appreciate. This might feel odd and hard to do initially, but it’s well worth the discomfort you feel right now. Often, when we’ve been in a toxic relationship and we’ve had hurt thrown our way, we’ve been constantly told all the things we weren’t good at and, over time, we’ve started to believe them. It’s not true! It might seem like a stretch right now but stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Notice one thing that you like about yourself physically and then think about an aspect of your personality that you appreciate. Day by day you’ll build up your confidence.

4. Learn to love yourself

Getting to the point where you know that you are enough, just as you are, is like reaching the summit of a mountain. Your only job is to live and appreciate yourself; it’s not someone else’s job to do that for you. I tried it the hard way; I believed that if someone found me lovable then maybe I’d be able to love myself. Nope. That’s not how it works and you know that, don’t you? Love, appreciation and kindness all stem from us loving, appreciating and being kind to ourselves. Start with the little things; I’ve been keeping a daily photographic journal on Instagram charting my 365 days of self-care, for example.

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5. Confidence attracts

Just as the flower doesn’t dream of the bee in the quote above (it blossoms and the bee comes) the same is true for us. If we choose to be who we are – authentically ourselves – then we’ll be ‘attractive’ to others. When we’re fixed on being who we think others want or expect us to be, we confuse ourselves, we can’t be genuine and we feel completely out of sorts. And, some of us have been living like this for years – it’s time to stop and think of that flower!

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