7 steps to recover from a bad date
Just got back from a bad date and wondering what to do next? Don’t worry; dating expert Charly Lester has compiled 7 things that’ll help you turn even bad dates into positive experiences
We’ve all been there. Not every first date goes well, and sometimes you and find yourself coming away from a date feeling a bit jaded with the whole process. So, how do you recover from a bad date?
It’s not you
The first thing you need to remember is that a bad date is not a reflection on you. There are literally millions of singles out there and you won’t feel a ‘spark’ with all of them. Unless the date went badly because you were rude or did something inappropriate, then you never react by trying to change yourself.
What went wrong?
Once you’ve reassured yourself that it’s not you, it’s worth taking a moment to work out exactly why the date was bad. People can call dates bad for all kinds of reasons – but what exactly was the problem? Did something happen that made you feel uncomfortable? Did a topic of conversation come up that you didn’t like? Was it boring? Did you not like the venue? Or did you simply not fancy the other person?
What can you learn from it?
Dating is a process. Sadly, not every step of that process is enjoyable but, hopefully, you can learn from the low points to make the high points even better. Once you’ve identified what went wrong, make sure you apply that learning to future dates. Is there a particular personality trait that you now know you don’t work well with? Are there conversation topics you’ve realised you’d rather avoid? Do you need to change up the date venue? Perhaps a first date activity, rather than drinks or dinner, would make you feel more comfortable next time?
Shake it off!
Sometimes you just have to shake off the bad experience and move on. Dating can be intense, and if you’ve spent a considerable amount of time talking to someone before meeting in person, then your feelings can get ahead of you. Try to take it one step at a time. It was just a first date and a couple of hours of your life. If you do find that the experience has had a surprisingly large impact on you, try to create some distance and cast your mind 12 months ahead. Will you even be able to remember your date’s first name?!
Get back on the horse
The worst thing you can do after a bad date is to swear off dating. If you do that then it’ll affect you more than it should. The best way to get over a bad dating experience is to replace it with a better one! Having worked out why the date didn’t work, apply that learning to your next date. Ideally, you want to get back out there as soon as possible. It’ll give you less time to dwell on things and will help make the bad date seem less significant. So, log back onto that dating site and try again.
Mix it up
Every date is different but make sure you take time to make it feel as different as possible. All too often, people repeat the same formula with their first dates, simply swapping different people in and out of the same dating scenario. The problem with that is that you end up focusing too much on comparing your date to other people rather than just getting to know them. It’s particularly important to have a change of scenery if your last date didn’t go so well.
Don’t talk about the bad date
When you’ve had a bad experience, it’s natural to want to talk about it. And talking about it can be a good thing – just make sure you talk to the right person! Unless the bad date story is particularly amusing and has become part of your comic repertoire, save the bad date tales for your best friends. You don’t want your future dates to get the wrong idea, and you should be focused on enjoying the date you’re on, rather than spoiling it by talking about other people.