Waiting for call

What it means if he doesn’t call

by Eharmony Editorial Team - November 24, 2009

You thought you had a wonderful evening together, and he says he’d love to see you again – so why hasn't he called? And why does it happen so often to so many great women? Check out the five most common reasons he won’t call.

1. Honesty is not his forte

The simple fact is that if you meet a man, exchange numbers, text a while and yet he doesn’t actually initiate a meeting, then there’s probably a subtext. It’s possible he’s met someone else in the mean time, for example.  The best approach is to invite honesty by saying something like ‘I think we’ve got something good here, are you seeing anyone at the moment?’  If you assume you’ll get the truth by just waiting, you’ll be waiting a long time.

2. He doesn’t want anything serious

If a man just wants a fling and thinks you’re after something more serious than he is, he’ll most likely just move on – and not call you. You can take this two ways; he’s either doing it out of respect for you, or simply to fulfil his selfish needs. But at least if this is the case, you’re probably better off not hearing from him again.

3. He was being nice

Sometimes, at the end of a date, it seems a lot easier to just accept someone’s number than tell them you’re not interested. In an ideal world, we’d all just be honest and say ‘No thanks, I just don’t think there’s a spark’, but this isn’t an ideal world. Just as you’ve probably taken someone’s number to be nice, men do it too.

4. He’s lost interest

Unfortunately, it is entirely possible, he lost interest during the course of the first few dates. Maybe he thought you were a little full on, and just didn’t want to get into that kind of relationship. Or maybe you said something like ‘So, you’ll definitely be in touch?’ – the desperation of which can be a real passion killer. Interest is rarely something you can re-instil so it’s best just to chalk it up to experience and move on.

5. He forgot/he lost your number

This is the one reason we all want to believe, and sometimes it just might be true. Unfortunately, if it is there’s not much you can do about it.

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If he doesn’t call, It’s not about you

What do all these reasons have in common? They’re about him and not you. The fact that he doesn’t want anything serious, for example, has nothing to do with the kind of woman you are. It’s about what he wants from his relationships. But, by beating yourself up about why he doesn’t call is damaging not only to yourself but also your future relationships.
If you develop this sense of fear around being called by a date, they will pick up on that and may pre-empt you by deciding that this lack of confidence is not something they’re looking for in a woman. Be positive and you will inspire confidence. This isn’t foolproof but it’s far more productive than the alternative.

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