What You Should Be Doing In-Between Dates


mind the gap

Written by Nikki Novo for eHarmony.

Some time ago, you decided to put yourself out there. You opened up to the idea of dating online. Your friends offered to set you up and you accepted. You even considered taking love advice from mum.

Since then you’ve experienced a few failed relationship and some comical dates that should earn you a spot on a reality show. The truth is, the disappointments have you wondering if the problem might be you.

After all, the years keep passing, your friends keep coupling up, and you, well, just stay the same. You seem to date the same person over and over again. Or, you date different types of people, but the end result is always the same: no committed relationship.

Actually, it’s hard to imagine this is your life. As a child, you never doubted the fact that you were going to get married by 25 years old and have two and half children (the white picket fence was to be determined). Your ideal life wasn’t anything you really worried about because this reality was always in the bag. Fast-forward to your present situation, and none of it seems to make any sense.

You’re a nice person. You’re smart. I mean, you’re really good at what you do and you probably have an impressive resume to prove it. You’re good looking and you know how to dress. Plus, you’re always helping others and the planet’s furry friends.

Seriously, what gives? You’re at the point where you’re starting to think that your childhood predictions aren’t at all accurate. And now, you’re beginning to wonder…

 “Will I be alone forever?”

You used to think you were crazy for thinking this way, but after each failed relationship or date you can’t help but let your mind wonder to a future existence surrounded by lots of pets, shoes, and your friends’ kids who insist on calling you Auntie or Uncle.

And I get it. You just want to know if a lifetime of singleton is in your future, so you can prepare yourself. If you knew this to be true, perhaps eventually you could come to terms with your sentence — and the pets, and the shoes.

Well, you don’t ever have to come to terms with a mediocre you. If a healthy, happy, loving partnership is what you want, then it’s something you can obtain — and more importantly you deserve. It will happen for you. What you truly desire is there for your taking. We don’t dream of things we can’t attain. Anything we see in our mind’s eye can become reality if we’re willing to get out of our own way and let the universe do its job. The best part? You can start feeling happier right now, from exactly where you are.



When there are no potential dates in the future, it’s easy to panic. If we’re not spending our time wisely, our mind can easily take us to Crazy Town. You know, that place where our inner dialogue takes over and reminds us how alone we really are. Well, all that talk is not true. It’s just not real. And one way you can silence the beast is by partaking in activities that you love. That’s right. You have no date? Take yourself out on a date.

When was the last time you engaged in an activity where you lost track of time? We all have those pursuits where nothing else exists other than what we’re doing. The pastime has magical power of shutting off our minds. This could be something like painting, writing, swimming, etc.

If you can’t think of anything, ask yourself what you liked to do as a child. Bring that back into your life. And if you still can’t think of something that sounds fun, pick a hobby at random.

You have nothing to lose. In fact, as a bonus, engaging in these type of activities could be a way to meet new people. Sign up for a cooking class, meet up with a group for a stand up paddle boarding session, or take Portuguese lessons. You’re going to have fun, and when you’re having fun, others will want to be around you. It’s a win-win!

We can’t wait around for someone to knock on our door and make us happy. We have to bring that kind of passion into our own lives. Once we live with that passion, we’ll attract the kind of people we want to associate with.

Use your time in between dates efficiently: treat yourself to some fun activities and generate the kind of happy energy you want to give off to the world.



Maybe in the past things haven’t worked out for you. Know that our pasts are never in vein. What we go through and the lessons we learn are gifts. Those experiences shape who we are. How we tell the story of our past is more important than the actual content.

What’s your story? What lessons can you learn from you past? And can you appreciate your past for how it has taught you to be a better you?

This is your chance to write your own story. Even if you’ve endured tragedy, you have the opportunity to turn it into a tale of hope and courage. Use it to your advantage. Allow your past to melt into a loving present where you want to live.

Take some time to notice the story you tell others and yourself. Make a few edits, change some sentences around, and turn it into something that serves you. Get closer to where you want to be by reciting the right narrative to yourself.

If you spend this time repeating a sad victim story to yourself, you’ll always stay on that stage. You have the power to say something different, and in return attract something different in life.



When we’re in between dates, it’s easy to lose the faith, but realistically this is the time when you have to believe the most.

What if you know three months from now your so-called bad luck would be over? How would you act? You wouldn’t go around nervous or worried. You would be excited and knocking things off your single person bucket list.

Science has taught us that when we believe something, our mind accepts it as truth. If you believe that your life is changing for the better right now, it will. You must believe that it’s possible first before you experience it. Do you truly believe in a happy life?

Spend your time living as if you knew your luck was changing. The excitement you will bring in your life will be intoxicating. You’ll carry yourself differently, you’ll smile, and you’ll enjoy life all because you know the truth. And your truth is that a loving partnership is just around the corner. You’ll see when you believe it.

Nikki is a conscious relationships writer, speaker, and teacher based out of Miami, FL. Certified in ThetaHealing and Hypnosis, Nikki is the creator of several workshops that focus on self-love including The Art of You & Me and Date Like You Love It. You can visit her website at nikkinovo.com


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