How to let go of your ex

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I should be an expert on this subject. After all, I’ve given it a great deal of thought. I’ve even written a whole novel on the subject. And yet, despite all of that, I’m still a little bit rubbish at getting over my exes.

In fact, I have a confession. It took me 10 years to get over my first love.

But as we all know, moving on from a relationship you thought would last forever is much easier said than done. So what do you do when the tears have dried up, once the books, CDs and random kitchen appliances have been split down the middle and yet you still aren’t quite ready to look for someone new?

Here’s a few thoughts to get you started:

Are they still too accessible?

Having your ex in your phonebook is a little bit like having double chocolate ice-cream in the fridge when you’ve just started a diet. It’s just mean. So, if you’ve just broken up and you’re constantly fighting the temptation to give them a call/text/tweet/like/poke/Linked In endorsement then you might need to make that quick, ruthless, albeit painful, cut – it’s for your own good. Yes, I do mean delete them from your phone and anywhere else you might be tempted to contact them. It’s drastic, but it’s not forever, you can always write down their number and re-add them when you’re cured. Obviously we don’t all have the luxury of making a clean break – maybe you have children together or maybe they’re sat opposite you at work – but establishing clear boundaries and making a few token breaks can be just as effective.

Are you angry?

There’s nothing like a little red mist to stop you moving on. It can be comforting to hold on to your anger – for one, it’s a clean, easy emotion to understand, particularly if they’ve done something unforgivable. But hiding your hurt and heartbreak behind your inner Hulk won’t do you any favours when it comes to closure. Letting go of your anger is just as difficult as letting go of your ex, but it can be done – as long as you remember it’s for you, not them. Different things work for different people – for me, it was remembering that he’d actually been a good boyfriend too sometimes – but taking some of the fire out of your anger is a must for getting over your ex. If all else fails, I’m not above suggesting a re-decorated dartboard.

Are they perfect?

Ok I’ll admit this one is a hard one. There’s almost nothing worse than meeting the perfect person and then losing them. I bet you almost wish you’d discovered a secret Miley Cyrus obsession or they’d run off with your best friend. At least then you could hate them (although that’s tricky too, as we’ve just discussed). The good news is that Mr or Ms Perfects don’t just come around once in a lifetime, so if you start looking, you’re much more likely to actually find them. Even better news. we know there’s lots of eHarmony members in the same boat – getting over relationships and tentatively looking at what’s out there. Lucky for you there’s loads of people willing to take it slow and just see how it goes.

So go on, you won’t know who’s out there ’til you take a look – sign up to eHarmony and find someone that makes you forget all about your ex!


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