A woman walks away in anger from a man after an argument

How women ruin relationships (before they even start)

by Eharmony Editorial Team - May 18, 2010

If you find that relationships just don’t seem to work out, you might be unwittingly ruining them. Are you guilty of these actions?

No one sabotages a relationship with potential on purpose, but sometimes we unwittingly ruin something that may have brought us great happiness even before it’s had a chance to get started. To help you pinpoint if you have a problem, we’ve listed five acts of relationship sabotage – have you been guilty of any of these?

1.    You’ve rejected a man because he doesn’t fit your ideal
Most women have, at some point, dreamt about their ideal man. He’s probably rich, incredibly handsome, charming and intelligent. Maybe he looks a lot like George Clooney. It’s a fun exercise, but reality and fantasy are very different things. If your ideal man is more Prince Charming than John-Next-Door, then it might be time to rethink your priorities.

2.    You’ve gone for the attractive man over the guy with personality
Dating a man who’s drop dead gorgeous can be a nice little ego boost. But if he’s all looks and no personality, the novelty will soon wear off. A man who treats you well and can make you laugh is always going to have more sticking power than one who looks good but can’t string a sentence together.

3.    You argue with your partners about nothing
They say that arguing about the big things is normal, and squabbling about the smaller things can be dealt with. But if you argue with your partners about nothing, then you need to take an honest look at yourself. This behaviour erodes a relationship and often it’s caused by something that happened in a previous relationship – a form of transference. If this sounds like you, try to work back to what it is you could be projecting onto your new relationships. If you can let that go, you’ll be able to move on.

4.    You tease him mercilessly about how he shows his feelings
If you tease your boyfriend like a school girl about how he shows his feelings towards you, he’s going to feel degraded and emasculated. Not every man was born the world’s greatest lover, and by telling him he doesn’t do things the way you’d expect, you’re not going to help. Instead, show him how you want him to act towards you, and he should follow – have a little patience and before you know it you’ll have a seasoned pro instead.

5.    You’ve jumped ship to avoid confronting your emotions
Relationships are by no means always plain sailing – they require hard work and honesty between partners. If you find yourself ending relationships rather than tackling issues, ask yourself if that was really what you wanted to do. Or if, by putting in the effort, you could have helped grow your relationship into something even better. Honesty doesn’t need to be brutal – it can be loving and honest. And if he cares about you too, he’ll also want to make it work.