3 relationship myths debunked
Relationship myths are like old wives tales, not worth a look in. Yet we often choose to believe them, which – unlike thinking a black cat can bring you good luck – can be damaging to our love lives. To combat this, here we’ve taken three relationship myths and given them a good ol’ kicking.
Myth 1: Showing you care is scary
Feelings are scary aren’t they? After all, telling someone you really like them, or explaining that something they’ve done has upset you will probably scare them off, won’t it? Wrong. It’s rare that the act of telling your partner how you feel will push them away; it’s more that creating drama around that emotion will scare them off.
People dislike drama, not emotion. Drama usually indicates someone who’s unable to keep their emotions in check, and that’s an unattractive quality in anybody. But emotion expressed in a mature way IS an attractive quality. Compare these two statements:
“I can’t believe you didn’t tidy up the house before you left for work! You’re SO inconsiderate!”
“I’d really appreciate it if you tidied up before you left for work tomorrow morning, is that ok?”
In the second statement the person is giving their partner the chance to respond, perhaps even defend themselves, or maybe just say ‘OK, I’ll make sure I do that tomorrow’. In the first, there’s no room for compromise. Stay calm and considered and your relationship should stay happy.
Myth 2: If you give, you get something in return
This is a bit of a hard truth, and one many of us are still to learn. We all know that by being a good, positive person, you should attract good, positive people in return, and that’s a great frame of mind when dating.
But when it comes to relationships, giving your all to your partner doesn’t mean you’ll get the same in return. In fact, often the more you give to someone the more they’ll simply take rather than give back. No one falls in love with someone else because the other person does everything for them. Instead, they just fall in love with them because they are them.
Don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying play games by withholding affection to try and win affection. We’re just saying that in the wrong type of relationship, you can give as much as you like, but that doesn’t mean the other person will give you an ounce of anything back. Relationships are about balance, not winning affection.
Myth 3: A relationship means long term commitment
Just because you’ve entered into a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you’re set on the path towards being long term or even getting married. There are lots of people out there trying out relationships with a ‘let’s see where it gets us’ attitude, and if you’re not on board with that you might find you get hurt further down the line.
The answer to this age old problem is to take the time to enter into that relationship. Look around for the right person, make sure you know what you’re looking for and then make sure that you’re both on the same page when you become ‘exclusive’. This might mean having some slightly awkward conversations, but one chat could save you years of problems.
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