5 reasons he won’t commit
Relationships are made up of a series of increasing commitments both big and small. We commit to dates, times to meet and then later on to bigger, more lasting commitments. The pace at which a relationship moves on is different for everyone and sometimes men hold back while woman are generally more eager to progress. Here are the five most common reasons this happens.
1. Hurt from the past
Once bitten twice shy. Men can be deeply affected by the break-up of a relationship and where women will often talk things through with friends and family men are much more likely to bury their hurt deep inside and vow never to let themselves be hurt like that again. Men tend to think in terms of problems and solutions and if the problem was that a woman hurt or betrayed them the simple solution might seem to be to not let a woman get so close again. If you think your man is holding back because he is still badly bruised from a previous relationship then the only solution is patience. Give him time, show you appreciate all that he can give you and that you are prepared to wait for what he can’t give you right now.
If you suspect that he is still hung up on his ex the chances are he may never commit to you if his heart is elsewhere, better to cut your losses and find someone who is emotionally available.
2. Enjoying the bachelor lifestyle
If a man has never had a long term relationship, or has been in one but had a few months on his own, it might be that he is simply enjoying the bachelor life. He is able to hang out with his mates, leave his dirty washing on the floor, watch sports programmes uninterrupted and generally indulge in being a bloke without being nagged to change or feel bad about wanting to do these things. Obviously not all men are like this – their interests and activities will vary but one of the most common complaints men have about women is that they nag – when you live on your own you can do what you please, when you please, without upsetting anyone else.
3. Keeping his options open
When people join eHarmony they usually get lots of matches and it can be tempting for men to play the field a bit and enjoy the sudden abundance of female attention and interest. Traditional dating is difficult for men, especially if they are a bit shy, as it is still generally expected for men to make the first move and therefore risk rejection. The matching procedure on eHarmony takes all the uncertainty out of that – here are loads of single women and initial contact is made online through icebreakers and guided communication.
If you believe your man is still chatting and dating other women it is important that you talk to him about it and establish if, and when, you will become exclusive – don’t assume that because you have stopped dating other people he naturally will or that the relationship is doomed if he doesn’t. Honesty and openness are the key factors here and it’s important to remember not to compromise your own principals in order to accommodate somebody else. If you want a committed, exclusive relationship and you are dating someone who is a bit of a player you need to decide how long you are going to give him to settle down before you accept it isn’t going to work out.
4. Married to his work
Many men find it hard to commit to a woman because they are already fully committed – to their work. A man’s career is often bound up with his identity or ego and the drive to be the best at what he does can be all-consuming particularly if he works in a very competitive field. Many women find this difficult to reconcile. They want to be number one on their man’s list of priorities and often have a different view of work – as a means to an end rather than the whole purpose of life.
5. You are pushing to hard
Men generally don’t like to be pushed into something before they are ready so maybe back off a bit and let him come to the point of wanting to commit to you in his own time. If he only commits because you went on and on about it you won’t feel as secure and stable as you would if it had come spontaneously from him.
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