5 signs you’re over-sharing about your relationship online

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oversharing

With smart phones, instant photo updates and 24/7 online communication, it’s easy to be lured into over-sharing about your relationship. Without even realising it your enthusiasm and excitement at having found a new love could be the one thing that stops it in its tracks.

1.      Your friends know more about your relationship than your partner does

The first sign that you’re in danger of over-sharing online is that you change your status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ after the first date. You need to establish that you’re both on the same page first and give the relationship a chance to get established before you make a public announcement. The decision to make your union public should be a joint one – not everyone is comfortable with having their business online. Every time you share something about the relationship you are sharing their business too, so you need their consent.

On anonymous forums people share all sorts of intimate details without realising that these are still traceable. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn’t tell your best friend, don’t post it online.

2.      You can’t make any decisions about the relationship until you have enough ‘Likes’ on Facebook

More and more people are reliant on the approval of their friends before they make important decisions in their life. Whether it’s the choice of an engagement ring, holiday destination or moral dilemma, putting it on Facebook and waiting for your friend’s responses before you make a decision can be very damaging to a relationship. It takes the autonomy away from you as a couple. Things that you would ordinarily discuss in private are open for public debate and people you may hardly know can have a say in major decisions in your life.

3.      You have more virtual contact with your partner than physical

If you live a long way from each other this may be inevitable at first but there’s no substitute for face to face conversation, even if it is on the telephone or over Skype. Tagging, poking, nudging and tweeting can let someone know you’re thinking about them but don’t mistake that for developing a relationship – it isn’t  A relationship develops when we share our lives, thoughts, feelings and time with each other. This is best done in private than in the public arena of online networks.

4.      When you’re on a date you update your online status

The things that make a relationship deepen and grow are time and attention. When you’re on a date make sure that you’re really there, rather than feeding back to your friends on what you’re eating or what a good time you are having. This reduces the experience to something superficial rather than meaningful time spent with someone you’re really interested in. If you were really enjoying yourself you would be so absorbed in your date that you wouldn’t be thinking about your online status.

5.      You base the health of the relationship more on what other people say about it than on how you feel

More than ever people are swayed by public opinion. When it comes to your relationship what matters is your own feelings more than what other people say about it. Only the two people in a couple really know about the relationship. Anyone else’s opinions are going to be based on small amounts of (usually one-sided) information.

When it comes to your love life remember to put your relationship before the approval or acceptance of other people.

For some people sharing any intimate details online is over-sharing. Talk to your close friends in person and keep your postings online to those things you would be happy to be published on the front page of a tabloid newspaper.


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