5 tips for seeing sparks in the bedroom
Happy healthy relationships happen when we connect with our partner on lots of different levels, and all of these levels are important. It is easy to talk about some but when it comes to the bedroom it can be more difficult. As with every other aspect of your relationship the physical side usually needs time and attention in order to develop into what both partners want it to be. Here we suggest a few ways to help make your physical union as satisfying and fulfilling as any other.
Let’s face it, real sex is quite funny, unlike the Hollywood sex we see on the big screen. Real human bodies wobble, squelch, flap and jiggle. Your time in the bedroom doesn’t have to be deadly serious; you can dress up, tease and explore each other. Even if you are naturally shy try to bring out your playful side and you will soon start to relax and feel more confident. Don’t feel you have to be physically perfect to get naked in front of your partner. If you are happy, comfortable and relaxed with your body they will be too. If their body is less than perfect bring love and acceptance to it and a good sense of humour and you are both sure to have lots of fun.
This really is the key to intimacy at every level. Talk to each other, say what you like and don’t like, show your appreciation if it is good and talk it through when it’s not. Whatever you do don’t keep your feelings about your sex life to yourself – unless your partner knows what you want they can’t possibly give it to you. Great lovers aren’t made they are taught through feedback. Even if it all feels a bit clumsy and awkward at first it can, and will, get better over time if you keep the communication channels open. This includes non-verbal communication; moans of pleasure, sighs, allowing your body to move in a way that shows appreciation and pleasure are all great ways to let your partner know what you like.
Sexy is an attitude not a costume. By all means dress up for your partner if you like to but it isn’t necessary in order to feel sexy. Taking the lead and showing your partner that you want them more than anything else and can’t possibly wait another moment to get them to bed – that is sexy. All men enjoy it if their woman shows a bit of raunchy wantonness. Many women harbour fantasies about their man being cave-man like and whisking them off to the bedroom with no hint of uncertainty. We all want to be wanted. The unsexiest attitude is indifference so no matter what shape size or age you are let your partner know you want them and they are sure to return the compliment.
Trust is the foundation of every aspect of a healthy relationship. In our sex lives we are more vulnerable than at any other time so it is essential that we trust our partner implicitly. Don’t feel pressured to enter into a sexual relationship until you are completely ready, this applies no matter what age you are. If trust is there and you feel safe, loved, desired and appreciated then you will both feel less self-conscious and free to grow sexually together.
Time and attention
All too often sexual intimacy becomes an activity that occurs at the end of a busy day when you are tired and have other things on your mind. Hurried, tired or rushed sex is unlikely to lead to fulfilment for either of you. Set time aside where you turn the phone off, put some nice music and soft lights on and be together. It doesn’t have to be in the evening, any time will do as long as you both can be there without outside interference.
Many people on dating websites are coming to romance later in life and as such are no longer spring chickens. Don’t be disappointed if you don’t perform like you did when you were in your 20s if you are now in your 50s. Bodies change and age, we have children, illnesses and physical problems which can make the act of sex more difficult. Don’t let this stop you from enjoying each others bodies and finding a level of physical intimacy that is fulfilling for you both.
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