Agony Aunty – “What can I do to help our relationship?”

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love question

We received the following question from one of our commenters:

I am due to marry my partner in a few months but I’m having doubts. My partner has twins who are 10. As I’m the only one who can drive, I do a 30 mile round trip every weekend to pick them up and  another trip to drop them off. I work a 50 hour week, have a father who is ill and don’t get to spend much time with him as I’m too busy running about for my partner. The problem I have is my partner is blind and therefore it’s me watching out for the twins and for him. I feel frustrated at the situation as his ex-partner doesn’t do anything to help and if I don’t do the run to get them then he doesn’t see his kids – am I the bad guy? What can I do to help our relationship?

Lucy says:

It sounds like you are trying really hard to help the relationship as best you can with the time and energy you have.

Is there anyone else who could help you out? His parents or a friend or does your partner have anyone they are close to that could perhaps drive him through to see his kids? Or help watch them when they are over?

It is admirable that you are trying to do everything, however, even though those around you need support, if you burn out you will be no help to them. It sounds like you need a bit of respite to recoup your energy.

Have you talked to your partner about how this is affecting you? It might be worth suggesting that you see the kids once every two weeks to give you some time to rest.

It is normal to have pre-wedding nerves, even the surest and loving of couples experience feelings of doubt. It seems like you perhaps need to come up with a routine that suits you both, to reaffirm your relationship.   Without it, the worry that the life you are living together is not gelling can seem more prominent than ever before. It might be time to admit that you can’t do everything and ask for help. Or ask you partner to offer you some leniency when it comes to your routine.

Lucy Walton is Female First’s resident agony aunt, sex, weddings and relationships editor. Visit http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/love/ to read more articles by Lucy.

What do you think? Do you have a question for Lucy? Leave your comments below or tweet us @eharmonyuk

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. If you require professional, psychological or medical assistance, please consult with a trained and qualified specialist. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat, diagnose or replace treatment from a licensed professional. This column, its author, and publisher disclaim all responsibility for the outcome of following any advice provided.


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