Conflict resolution: A compromise for 5 relationship dilemmas
The ability to resolve conflict in a relationship is one of the defining factors in a lasting and healthy partnership. However, sometimes the only way to resolve a conflict is to compromise.
Even the best relationships will occasionally run into conflict. The ability to work together as a couple to find a compromise will often be the deciding factor in whether a relationship stands the test of time. Some of the most common areas of conflict which can arise early in a relationship are listed below with suggestions for compromises which can help a relationship become stronger.
1. Money problems
Many people are tightening their belts with the rise of living costs. Attitudes towards money and spending can be a source of potential conflict in a relationship especially if you’re not transparent about your situation and are trying to make a good impression.
Although it may be difficult to date within your means, there are loads of money saving ideas for economical dates – including using money-off vouchers and taking advantage of special deals. Pride is what normally stops people from admitting they can’t afford certain venues or activities but it’s self defeating to say the least. Far better to admit your situation and find some creative compromises than giving up on the relationship because you don’t want to lose face.
2. Unequal feelings
It’s not uncommon when matches first meet, that one person is keener than the other to move onto a second date. This can be due to many factors including personality type; circumstances; attitude and dating history as much as whether they find one another attractive.
Some people are expecting to recognise ‘the one’ at first sight and if there isn’t an instant connection they dismiss the match. Others only need the slightest encouragement and they are jumping up and down like an over-excited puppy. Between these two extremes there needs to be a compromise if one of you really wants to take it further and the other isn’t sure. Our suggestion, in cases where it isn’t a definite ‘no-way’, is to give it six dates before you make your mind up. This gives nerves a chance to settle down and both of you the opportunity to make an informed decision rather than a knee jerk reaction.
We all lead such busy lives that scheduling time for a new relationship can become a real dilemma especially if babysitters are needed or you live far apart. It may seem like one of you is having to work much harder than the other to be accommodating especially if dates are regularly cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances caused by other responsibilities.
The best way to overcome such difficulties is to be open from the start about what your limitations are in terms of time and availability. If you make a date do everything you can to make sure you can honour it rather than flaking out at the last minute. It is important to ask yourself if you really have time for a new relationship before you embark on one.
4. Different values
If you’re dating someone who has very different values from you it may not be immediately apparent until something comes up in conversation or you have to deal with a situation where the disparity between you is revealed e.g. the restaurant undercharges you and your date decides not to mention it but you want to be honest and point out the mistake.
The only compromise here is to ask yourself ‘How important is it?’You may decide to say nothing and resolve never to date the person again or you could try a different approach and bring the subject up later talking about how you felt about it rather than accusing your date of having done something wrong.
5. When to get physical
There are no rules as to when a relationship should become physical. It’s a completely individual decision which will be affected by many different things. This is one area where you might feel you don’t want to compromise especially with a partner who is pushing you to do things before you’re ready. The middle ground is to talk it through and see if you can find ways of increasing the intimacy between you that suit you both.
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