How to re-start your sex drive
More people than you think have a low or non-existent sex drive, and yet far too many simply accept that as fact and allow things to stagnate in their relationship. But whether it’s you or your partner who are suffering from lack of inspiration in the bedroom, there’s no need to despair. Our six steps will hopefully have you both heading eagerly back to the bedroom.
1. Communicate again
If you and your partner aren’t communicating in the bedroom any more, chances are you’re not communicating outside of it either. Set aside time every day for you to talk to each other, be it about your work day, how you’re feeling, or your relationship itself. Remove all distractions – kids, the dog, TV – and devote 20-30 minutes to each other. The simple act of sharing information should immediately make you feel closer to your partner. Remember to listen to your partner’s responses too, this is a two way process.
2. Open up
Once you’ve opened the lines of communication, push the boundaries beyond simply ‘what I did today’. Open up emotionally by telling your partner what it is that you truly love and admire about them, and persuade them to respond. This may feel a little strange at first, but eventually it should become a revealing and even enjoyable exercise for you both, rediscovering your emotional intimacy.
3. Get physical outside the bedroom
Sometimes, in desperation to fix a flagging sex life, couples leap too quickly into sex, forgetting the importance of physical intimacy. This is along the path to sexual intimacy, but is not a sexual act. It comprises of simpler things like holding hands, stroking your partners arm while in conversation or sharing massages. These gestures may lead to sex, or they may not, but they will certainly deepen your bond and should increase your sexual desire.
4. Remember romance
Romance isn’t dead, but in a long term relationship it can get sidelined in favour of more everyday things like making dinner or picking the kids up from school. Remember when a romantic evening used to lead to fireworks in the bedroom? Try one of these (free) romantic kick-starts:
• Surprise your partner with some handpicked flowers from the garden
• Pen a love note and slip it somewhere such as their work bag or under their pillow
• Rather than eating your dinner in front of the TV, make an occasion of it by setting the table nicely, lighting candles and cooking something a bit special
• Rather than just dropping off when you get into bed, snuggle up and have a chat about your day
5. Pucker up
Kissing is a wonderful thing, yet it’s something many couples forget to do. And it’s not just a precursor to sex; in fact, try imagining kissing is the only thing you’re allowed to do. You’ll find you focus much more on it. Kiss your loved one when you come back from work, have a long smooch in the kitchen before dinner, and always kiss each other goodnight. It’ll suddenly become much more interesting and your connection with your partner will be stronger than ever.
6. See a doctor
If your lack of sex drive is a persistent problem, then it’s worth considering there may be an underlying cause. See your doctor and explain the situation – they may have some helpful suggestions. Lack of sex drive can be caused by many things, including anaemia, prescription drugs and depression. Whilst this is only in rare cases, it always pays to make sure.
These six steps should set you back on the right path to re-starting your sex drive – and if they lead to fireworks in the bedroom, brilliant! But take as much time as you need, there’s no schedule to getting your groove back.
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