How to tell if they are the settling down type


What do they do?

How your date spends their time when they are not seeing you is the best barometer of whether they are at a stage in their life where they might want to settle down. Are they out all the time only going home for a shower and a change of clothes? Are they heavily involved in hobbies or activities that take up large amounts of their free time and energy? If a lot of their energy is taken up away from home meeting people and living life in the fast lane then it may be that they are more committed to their activities than to the relationship. Some people fill their life up with hobbies and activities while they are single but change once they get involved in a relationship. Be wary of someone who never has time to see you.

What do they say?

Listen to your date when they talk about the future. Ask questions like ‘Where do you see us in five years time? Listen to their plans, dreams and aspirations and try not to take it personally if you don’t seem to feature in those plans. Some people naturally think in terms of making joint plans while others seem to be on their own bus and everyone else is a passenger who is along for the ride but has no say in the direction. It is better to know this at the beginning of a relationship than further down the line. You have to ask yourself whether you want an equal partnership or are happy to be a passenger.

Who do they spend time with?

Are they dating you exclusively or are they seeing other people? It might seem an obvious question but sometimes we don’t know the answer until it is asked. If your date is keeping their options open and your relationship casual you have to ask yourself whether you are happy with that.

Is it difficult for your partner to find a time to see you because they spend so much time with friends and family? Relationships are built on a series of increasing commitments but if your date won’t commit at the early stages they are unlikely to make the bigger commitments later on. We all want to feel that the person we are in a relationship with will want to spend time with us above other people but if this isn’t evident in the first flush of romance it is unlikely to develop later on.

If you feel that your partner is not ready to settle down but you know it is something you want ask the following questions.


Are they interested in settling down someday but not right now?

Many people eventually want to make a commitment to a long-term relationship at some point in the future just not yet. They might feel that at the moment their career is their priority or they may have family commitments or financial constraints. Some people simply aren’t  ready emotionally. If you are dating someone like this you need to ask yourself whether you are willing to wait.

Once bitten

Many people carry emotional baggage from previous relationships and are reluctant to commit because they don’t want to be hurt again. If this is the case the question is are they working through past hurts so he/she will one day be a healthy and stable partner?

In all aspects of relationships the most important thing is honest, open communication and as long as you feel you have that you will both know when the time comes to move forward or move on.

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