How to turn up the heat – outside the bedroom


The early days of a relationship are crucial in determining whether it will turn into a lasting romance. One of the biggest determinants of this is whether there is any physical chemistry between you – the spark that everyone is looking for that makes your knees go weak and your heart rate rise. The good news is that even if it is only a tiny flame to begin with it can be fanned to create a furnace of desire – the trick is to not get to the bedroom too soon.

We live in an age of instant gratification and liberal attitudes. These are not bad things in many aspects of life but when it comes to romance the old fashioned values of our grandparents could teach us a lot. Time spent building the anticipation of sexual contact through innocent pleasures like holding hands and kissing lay the foundations for a romantic fire that will continue burning long after the bright sparks of instant gratification have died away. Here are some ways you can turn up the heat:

Flirt –  Like animals there is a mating ritual that happens between humans and flirting is our way of letting someone know we are interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with them. If you aren’t confident in this subtle art, do some research and learn to flirt. It is fun and playful and will let you know if your date is a good sparring partner for you. It isn’t all about what you say – your body language and behaviour can all be used to good effect if you know how.

Limited availability – It is a strange quirk of human nature that we want things more if we think we can’t have them. Don’t be available 24/7 and say no sometimes to going on a date. This isn’t about playing games but about allowing there to be some space between you for you to miss each other and to really look forward to seeing each other again. If you are calling, texting and emailing all day, every day what will there be to share when you do see each other?

Fantasise – Imagination is a powerful tool. Before a date allow yourself to imagine being sexual with your partner – what their hands would feel like touching your skin; their lips brushing yours …. The brain cannot distinguish the difference between us doing something in reality and us imagining it – we get the same physiological responses so by the time you meet your date your cheeks will be flushed and you will be feeling hot. Delaying gratification of these fantasies will intensify any physical contact you have.

KissingKissing is a form of communication. Imagine you can use a kiss to tell your partner everything that is in your heart – take it slow, make it count – tell them how you feel or imagine this is the last time you will be able to kiss them for a long time. The important thing is that you treat kissing as an end in itself rather than just a step towards the bedroom. It is good if you both go home feeling a bit weak kneed after a passionate goodnight kiss.

Personal care – If you feel good about yourself you will be more confident and feel sexier. Nice underwear or a sensual perfume can do wonders for making you feel sexy and desirable even if you have no intention of letting your date see any of them just yet – you will know you could if you wanted to!

Go dancing – Back in the day most romances were started at the local dance. There has been a huge resurgence of dancing from modern jive to tea dances now held regularly right across the country. Holding someone close, feeling their body move next to yours, smelling their hair – dancing is a wonderful way to develop intimacy and sexual arousal. Dancing can also help you to become attuned and responsive to how the other person moves so that by the time you make love you won’t so feel awkward in each other’s embrace.


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