Is your relationship a lie?

by

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Just because your partner ticks all the boxes on your mental checklist, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the one for you. If they lack the x-factor, it doesn’t matter how many of your friends tell you to hang onto this one, it just won’t work for you. The question is, what do you do if you find yourself in this situation?

Here are some helpful tips on what to do if you just don’t think you can force it any longer:

Remember – it’s not your fault
You can’t make yourself fall for someone, no matter how hard you try. If you’ve given your all to the relationship, and been faithful and kind, there’s little more you can do. You need to focus your energies on handling the situation rather than just beating yourself up about it.

Work out why you’re not feeling it
By doing some soul-searching you can create some good from an unfortunate situation. By trying to work out why you don’t feel the way you should for this person, you should be able to learn something about the way you conduct relationships, which will help you going forward. For example, maybe you’re still hurting from your last relationship and are hesitant to move on.  This is an ideal time for you to step back and heal yourself before re-entering a relationship. Alternatively, it may be a simple case of you not experiencing the physical chemistry you need in a relationship. Either way, take the time to get these thoughts clear in your head.

Figure out why you’re in this situation
As a follow on from our previous point, it’s important for you to work out why you have ended up in the position where you feel you have to force your feelings for someone. Ask yourself why you didn’t just end the relationship when you realised things weren’t right. Maybe you’re scared to be alone, or you don’t want to hurt your partner. Whatever, figure this out and then sue your learnings to stop yourself getting in the same position again.

Talk about it
Once you’ve got your feelings clear in your head the next step is to talk to your partner. The most important thing is to be honest, but also kind. You owe them an explanation – if you’ve been forcing your feelings, it’s likely they will have no idea of what’s coming. They’ll appreciate your honesty, even if it doesn’t seem that way straight away.

Ask for time
Just because you don’t feel how you think you should, doesn’t mean you necessarily want to end the relationship there and then. Maybe your partner is moving faster than you and you need some time to reach the point they have. If this is the case, gently explain that you need some more time and that you can genuinely see a future for you both, with a little space. Also remember that it’s your feelings, and only your feelings that matter – pressure from friends, family and even your partner should not be a part of this decision.

Keep an open mind
If you don’t feel quite ready to end the relationship, consider that your feelings may develop over time toward your partner. Many relationships begin with an imbalance of feeling, between the two parties, and over time become more equal. However, if you know deep down that things aren’t right, don’t sit it out waiting for something to change – it won’t.

Stay friends, if you can
If you’ve managed to maintain a relationship for a while, chances are you’re pretty compatible, just not as romantic partners. This could form the basis of a great friendship as long as the other person’s feelings aren’t too strong. But, be aware that your partner may opt for friendship with the hope that it will develop into something romantic again, in which case it’s best you both have some distance.

Just because your partner ticks all the boxes on your mental checklist, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re the one for you. If they lack the X factor, it doesn’t matter how many of your friends tell you to hang onto this one, it just won’t work for you. The question is, what do you do if you find yourself in this situation?
Here are some helpful tips on what to do if you just don’t think you can force it any longer:
Remember – it’s not your fault
You can’t make yourself fall for someone, no matter how hard you try. If you’ve given your all to the relationship, and been faithful and kind, there’s little more you can do. You need to focus your energies on handling the situation rather than just beating yourself up about it.Work out why you’re not feeling it
By doing some soul-searching you can create some good from an unfortunate situation. By trying to work out why you don’t feel the way you should for this person, you should be able to learn something about the way you conduct relationships, which will help you going forward. For example, maybe you’re still hurting from your last relationship and are hesitant to move on.  This is an ideal time for you to step back and heal yourself before re-entering a relationship. Alternatively, it may be a simple case of you not experiencing the physical chemistry you need in a relationship. Either way, take the time to get these thoughts clear in your head.Figure out why you’re in this situation
As a follow on from our previous point, it’s important for you to work out why you have ended up in the position where you feel you have to force your feelings for someone. Ask yourself why you didn’t just end the relationship when you realised things weren’t right. Maybe you’re scared to be alone, or you don’t want to hurt your partner. Whatever, figure this out and then sue your learnings to stop yourself getting in the same position again.

Talk about it
Once you’ve got your feelings clear in your head the next step is to talk to your partner. The most important thing is to be honest, but also kind. You owe them an explanation – if you’ve been forcing your feelings, it’s likely they will have no idea of what’s coming. They’ll appreciate your honesty, even if it doesn’t seem that way straight away.

Ask for time
Just because you don’t feel how you think you should, doesn’t mean you necessarily want to end the relationship there and then. Maybe your partner is moving faster than you and you need some time to reach the point they have. If this is the case, gently explain that you need some more time and that you can genuinely see a future for you both, with a little space. Also remember that it’s your feelings, and only your feelings that matter – pressure from friends, family and even your partner should not be a part of this decision.

Keep an open mind
If you don’t feel quite ready to end the relationship, consider that your feelings may develop over time toward your partner. Many relationships begin with an imbalance of feeling, between the two parties, and over time become more equal. However, if you know deep down that things aren’t right, don’t sit it out waiting for something to change – it won’t.

Stay friends, if you can
If you’ve managed to maintain a relationship for a while, chances are you’re pretty compatible, just not as romantic partners. This could form the basis of a great friendship as long as the other person’s feelings aren’t too strong. But, be aware that your partner may opt for friendship with the hope that it will develop into something romantic again, in which case it’s best you both have some distance.


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