Nine ways to know you’ve found love


If only there was a quick test you could do to know if you’d found The One – it would save a lot of time and heartache. Unfortunately, science hasn’t quite figured that one out yet, and probably never will, but we’ve got nine ways you can be pretty sure they’re The One.

1. You’re not waiting for it to become perfect
We often allow ourselves to believe that if one particular obstacle is removed from our romantic relationship, then it will turn into the perfect relationship. The reality is that if you hang the happiness of your relationship on whether or not your partner gives up smoking, for example, you’re probably using it to mask other problems.

Say they give up smoking, chances are you’ll still be unhappy. You have to realise that true happiness doesn’t come from perfection, but in fact from the acceptance of your partner’s flaws and the ability to compromise and move on. A good relationship is good on its own merits, it doesn’t need tweaking.

2. You are good enough
When your partner doesn’t mind that you sing badly in the shower, have really cold feet in bed, or [insert unusual trait here], then you can be pretty sure you’ve found The One. They will also be incredibly proud of everything you do, and generally think you’re a wonderful person. And all you have to do is be you.

3. You argue well
This might sound like a contradiction in terms, but a relationship counsellor will tell you that a couple who fight and resolve their issues are far healthier than a couple that never argue at all. By airing your grievances you can resolve them and move on, rather than bottling things up. But beware, if you’re arguing all the time and getting nowhere, you might need to rethink your relationship.

4. Boring becomes fascinating
When you’re in a great relationship, it’s the stuff that no one else wants to hear that’s fascinating to you both. The smallest details of your partner’s day are interesting, even though they would send anyone else to sleep. Ever had that moment when you realise you’re boring the bones off your best friend about something your partner has done or said recently, that you’ve found fascinating? That kind of stuff.

5. You’re drama-free
This doesn’t mean you never argue (see point three), more that things seem to just flow along smoothly. Neither one of you screams, shouts or pouts to get their own way – you just know how to deal with each other, and you know that life is much better that way.

6. Your family and friends ‘get it’
Most of the time, when our friends and family endorse someone we’re with, that’s not only a huge boost, but also a huge indicator that he or she is right for you. They know you better than most people, and if they’re giving you the thumbs up then you’re on the right track.

7. You make them happy
The deeper the connection two people have, the easier it is for them to know how to make each other happy. Think about the smaller day to day differences you can make. Do you know what music to put on to cheer your partner up, or how they like their tea in the morning? In the bigger scheme of things, do you know the best way to help him or her work through a problem at work, or with their family? And do they do the same for you?

8. You’re on the same page
You’ve probably heard us talk about this before at eHarmony, but compatibility is so important for a healthy relationship. Don’t get us wrong, this doesn’t mean you have to be clones of each other. But think about it – if you one of you wants to settle down with children by 35 and the other is planning on jacking it all in and travelling the world, there’s going to be conflict. However, if you have similar values and ideas about how you want your lives to pan out, then you have a much better chance of building a life together.

9. You have mutual respect
Mutual respect in a relationship means a deeper connection and more trust between the couple. This is the foundation of most aspects of a great, long-lasting relationship, and is probably one of the most important points on this list.

As we said at the start, there’s no foolproof way to know if you’re with The One. But if you can tick off all the points on this list, then you can be pretty sure you’re on the right track.

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