Relationship resolutions for 2014

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The New Year is the perfect time to resolve to do things differently but instead of those health and fitness resolutions why not try some relationship ones.

If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got! That is to say if you don’t change then your relationships won’t either. Whether you’re single, dating or in a committed relationship there are some resolutions you could make this year which could radically improve all your relationships. Here are our top 12 (one for each month) but you could make your own list as some may be more relevant than others to you

1.      Think before you speak

Words are powerful and affect the people around us. When communicating either with matches online, on dates or with your partner resolve to engage your brain before your mouth and consider the impact of what you’re about to say.

2.      Look for the positive rather than focussing on the negative

For some reason it’s often easier to see the negative in people and to focus on their faults. This can be a block to starting relationships and developing intimacy. It will take a concerted effort to look for the positive if you’re habitually negative but it’s well worth the effort.

3.      Don’t jump to conclusions

One of the biggest sticking points in all relationships is ‘assuming’ you know what someone is thinking or feeling without checking it out with them. As some people say, when you assume you make an ASS of U and ME.

4.      Take responsibility for your own happiness

If you’re waiting for someone else to come along and make you happy you could have a very long wait. You’re a grown up and it’s up to you to look after yourself physically, emotionally and mentally. When you’re looking after yourself you’re free to love and appreciate a partner without the risk of becoming too dependent and needy.

5.      Say what you need and want

Unless you live with Derren Brown your partner is not going to be able to mind read. Sulky silences, sarcastic comments or (un)subtle hints are all means of manipulation rather than effective communication. Ask for what you want and be prepared for a ‘no’. If you can’t accept a no then you’re making a demand not a request.

6.      Don’t people please

Grinning and bearing things that make you feel uncomfortable or are against your beliefs because you don’t want to upset your partner won’t build a successful relationship. There’s always an element of compromise on both sides in a relationship but if you’re constantly biting your tongue you may be people pleasing.

7.      Don’t try to control other people’s lives

It’s one thing to be interested and involved in your partner’s life but when it turns into possessiveness and jealousy with 24/7 contact, updates and reassurances needed for you to feel secure you’re likely to smother any love that was there.

8.      Be open to change

Nobody is perfect, and neither are you. The ability listen to feedback or criticism from your partner and to take action when needed, is difficult but essential if the relationship is going to be healthy.

9.      Know when to say sorry

Stubbornness and pride are two great enemies of healthy relationships. You don’t lose face when you back down from a row that’s going nowhere; you just put the relationship and your happiness ahead of the need to be right. Learn to recognise when you’ve hurt your partner’s feelings and say sorry.

10.  Don’t take everything personally

You might think you’re the centre of your partner’s universe but the chances are that they have a whole life outside the relationship so don’t take their every mood, action and behaviour personally. It’s not all about you.

11.  Be present

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift – that’s why it’s called the present.

12.  Give time and attention to what’s important

When you’re with your partner resolve to really be there for at least part of each day. Put away mobile phones and internet devices, turn off the TV and set aside outside concerns and give them your time and attention. Doing this is like watering a plant, essential if you want your relationship to thrive.

 


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