The new taboo – no sex before marriage?
We are in the 21st century, but there are still plenty of people dating who have decided to save sex until after they are married. And approaching this subject can be as tricky as any of the other nerve-racking topics new couples cover.
When you talk about your feelings with your partner can be the hardest part of this process. What if you bring it up too soon? Can you ruin a relationship by waiting too long to talk about it? It’s a delicate balancing act, but these guidelines might help you make the right opening move.
Make sure you’re comfortable with each other
Just as having sex isn’t usually a first date topic of conversation, not having sex probably isn’t the first thing you’ll bring up when you meet someone either. For one thing, that first date may not even turn into a second date, so it’s better to keep some information in reserve. Hold on until you feel emotionally intimate with your match before you broach the topic.
Honesty is the best policy
When you feel comfortable that your relationship could be long term, it’s probably time to bring up your beliefs. Don’t talk around the subject, be confident stating your position firmly but gently. Explain how you feel your emotional closeness has enabled you to bring up the topic, and how you really enjoy spending time with them. When you’ve said your piece, allow your partner the time to process your information – don’t badger them for a response.
Stay true to yourself
You may find that your partner does not accept your convictions and tries to talk you out of saving sex until after marriage. Stand your ground – if they are trying to persuade you to do something against your beliefs they don’t respect you. As painful as it may be, you may have to accept that this relationship is not to be.
Search for someone who shares your values
Dating can be a bit of a minefield, and a couple disagreeing about sex makes it even trickier. It may help you to look for partners who share your beliefs about sex before marriage. For example, if this belief is religious, try looking for someone with similar spiritual beliefs as you.
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