When to share your deepest secrets

by

confidential

We’ve all got a few skeletons in the closet, whether they’re mistakes we’ve made in the past or ways we’ve been wronged by others. And while we may be comfortable enough to talk about them with close friends or family, the idea of sharing them with a new partner can be terrifying.

If you’re in this situation, here are four things to remember:

You’re not the only one

Nobody is perfect, and we’ve all made some mistakes, or had experiences we’re not proud of. But if you’re worrying about your secret, remember that countless other people have probably had the same experience. And if they haven’t, they’ll have their own skeletons they’re not proud of.

It’s between you and your potential partner

When dating, we all have ideas about what is an absolute deal breaker for a relationship; ranging from the fact  that you couldn’t stand to go out with a smoker, to not wanting to take on someone else’s children. Unfortunately, we can’t second guess these things, and there’s no point trying. Your secret may spell the end of your relationship, or it may simply be accepted graciously. All you can do (or rather, all we would strongly advise you to do) is be open and honest , and hope the person you have put your faith in will not let you down.

A problem shared….

If you are scared of sharing your secret with your new partner, is it because you haven’t yet shared it with anyone? You may find it very helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member or even a counsellor before sharing with anyone else.  Their acceptance should be very healing and will help you gain the confidence to speak to your partner. Also ask if you have accepted yourself and your secret – until you do so, you may find it difficult to form a close relationship with another person.

Don’t let the past affect your future

The shame or regret you may be carrying around, as a result of your secret, could cloud your judgement in dealing with new relationships. For example, you may choose unsuitable partners because you feel that they are the only ones you deserve. Or you may simply end relationships prematurely because you think the other person will break up with you anyway once they find out about the ‘real’ you.

To end on a positive note, it’s important to remember that your past is behind you, and that you can only now influence the future. Our deepest darkest secrets are often nowhere near as shocking as we think they will be to other people. And most importantly, remember that you deserve love and acceptance from a partner.


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