5 questions to ask yourself before online dating
Uncertainty about whether you’re ready for online dating and doubts about whether it’ll be successful is very normal. Answering the following questions should help you decide whether now is the right time for you.
1. Are you serious about wanting a relationship?
This is the first and most important question to ask. Insincere people are are more likely to play games with other people’s affections.
Online dating isn’t a pleasant distraction from the more mundane parts of life. Dating sites are a community of real people who will be affected by the things you say and do online. It’s easy to think you’re anonymous when you sit behind a computer screen, but that anonymity should not stop you from acting with integrity at every stage in the process.
Be clear about your own sincerity at the outset. If you are just bored and want some entertainment, go and look for it elsewhere and come back when you’re ready.
2. How much are you willing to change?
Every new relationship needs each person to be a little flexible, because each of you will need to adapt to accommodate a new person into your life. For example, are you willing to relocate, take on the role of step parent, give up smoking, or change your sleeping habits?
Knowing how much you’re willing to change will give you a good basis from which to look at matches. Writing down your answers can help too. It’s important to be flexible but to also feel that you can retain parts of your life that are important to you.
3. How much time do you have available?
You may be very sincere in your desire for a relationship, and willing to go to any lengths to change aspects of your life to make it happen, but if you haven’t got time to fully engage in the process then it all comes to nought.
The time required isn’t just for the dates themselves but also for reviewing matches, writing a profile and chatting with potential partners online. The more time you can devote to the process, the more you will get out of it.
4. Do you feel good about yourself?
Dating isn’t a fix for low self esteem. To be successful you need to believe that you’re someone worth getting to know. Invest time and energy into yourself first before you take yourself out into the dating arena. If you’re still hurting from a past relationship, give yourself time to heal; if you’re very unhappy about an aspect of your life, begin to address the issues before you start dating. Any unresolved problems will still exist even if you find the partner of your dreams and may also affect the type of person you attract.
5. What qualities are you looking for in a new partner?
Look around at couples who have relationships you aspire to and see what it is that makes them so admirable. Look at your friends, what’s important to you in those relationships? Be a detective and look back through your life at all your relationships and find out what was important and what was unacceptable. The clearer you can be about what you are looking for, the more likely you are to recognise it when it comes along.
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