Are you too obsessed with your ‘type’?
How many times have you caught yourself dismissing someone because ‘he/she just isn’t my type’? If your answer is ‘a lot’ then this advice is for you. It’s easy to get caught up on a type because our type of partner reflects something about ourselves. Maybe you tend to go for dark haired guitar players, or perhaps you like tall, blonde businesswomen – whatever your type, it defines you in some way.
But, clinging onto a type can be very bad for your love life. It’s like making the same mistake over and over again, never to learn from it; you never move forward, and you never find out anything about yourself, which is a very important element of maturing and moving on. Here’s how to self-diagnose whether you truly are clinging onto a type, and harming you love life too.
Your exes are all very similar
Were John, William and Pedro all raging egotists who had no interest in your life? Or perhaps Rachel, Jemima and Erin were all control freaks who never let you do your own thing? Whatever your ex-pattern, if there is one it needs to be broken. If you seem to attract a certain type of person, it’s most likely because you go looking for them. If you’re single, it’s time to date completely out of type – even if you just class it as a social experiment – you may well be pleasantly surprised.
Your break-ups are all very similar
List all your break-ups and honestly note why each relationship ended. Do you see a pattern emerging? If you do, the chances are that the type of person you’ve ended up dating just isn’t compatible with you. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, it’s time to reassess your choices. Of course, the type you choose might not be the only reason all your relationships ended in the same way – perhaps there’s some work you need to do on yourself too – but it’s a good start and a fair indicator.
You look for someone based on very specific criteria
Love comes in all shapes and forms, and often it’ll appear in the most unlikely places. It’s quite unlikely that Catherine Zeta Jones ever expected to find love with an actor 25 years her senior, yet despite everyone saying it’d never last they’ve been married for over 10 years. We’re not suggesting you should go out and marry an aging Hollywood actor, but the fact is that you never know when you’ll find love.
Applying very specific criteria when searching for someone to date is incredibly restrictive. For one thing it means there are far fewer people you can date, and for another, this kind of behaviour stops you from becoming a well-rounded person. It’s our experiences with people from all walks of life that make us interesting individuals. Ensuring your romantic life only goes along one path has the potential to make you a narrow minded person.
You instantly judge someone who doesn’t quite fit your expectations
Do you go on dates and tune out as soon as the other person does something that doesn’t fit your list of criteria? Many of us are guilty of being far too judgemental on dates. We think we know what our ‘type’ is and as soon as the other person deviates from that they’re crossed off the list. Whether it’s because they order beer instead of wine over dinner, or they don’t like the same kind of music as you, it doesn’t really matter. If you were exactly the same you’d soon get bored of each other.
If you really find yourself getting nowhere in the dating and relationship stakes, then it’s probably time to mix things up a bit. Date outside your comfort zone a little, by going out with someone who really is nothing like your type. At least then you can say that you’ve tried someone different, rather than living in ignorance.
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