How to deal with dating rejection
Rejection is probably the hardest part of the dating process. It taps into our worst fears about not being good enough or that we are somehow unlovable. The unfortunate fact is that it’s often part of the course in the world of online dating and the better you’re able to deal with it, the more successful and enjoyable the dating process is going to be for you.
Don’t take it to heart
When someone rejects you it can be hard not to take it personally. The chances are that if you’ve been communicating online, or only had a couple of dates, they simply didn’t find what they were looking for. This isn’t about you, it is about them. Each of us has a unique blueprint for what defines our ideal partner. It’s formed by our past experiences, our future expectations, biological factors and personal preferences. It’s a wonder that anyone ever finds a partner that fulfils all these criteria and when the feeling is mutual it’s a cause for celebration. This is why love is so treasured, sought after and can seem so difficult to find.
When someone rejects you it’s because you aren’t the right fit for them, not because there’s anything wrong with you. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be perfect for someone else.
Let them go
While it may be tempting to cling onto something that you think has potential it’s always better for your dignity and self esteem to let go gracefully. Don’t try and persuade, coerce or manipulate someone into giving you a chance. The relationship will almost inevitably fail because it won’t be equal. You deserve to be with someone who feels like they have won the lottery because you have chosen to be with them not someone who’s there reluctantly.
Build your resilience
One of the best ways to deal with rejection is to feel good about yourself. If you’re comfortable in your skin, authentic when you go on dates, certain in the knowledge that what is meant for you won’t pass you by then rejection will be accepted as part of the dating process.
It becomes harder when you’ve gone further down the line and formed an attachment to someone only for them to then change their mind. Although this can be very painful it’s important that you don’t let it deter you from following your dream and eventually finding the love you deserve.
In a strange way rejection during the dating process can help your relationships in the future. Knowing you can handle it and building your resilience can mean that when you do meet that special someone you’re stronger and more confident than you might have been otherwise.
When the shoe is on the other foot
Sometimes you’ll be the one doing the rejecting and this can be just as difficult as being rejected. You could have dates that fall for you but you simply don’t feel the same way. This can be particularly difficult if you’re sensitive to other people’s feelings but it is essential that you are very clear and firm in your decision.
If you feel someone is not the right match for you, say so and mean it. Don’t make excuses, lie or try and wrap it up in sugar coated compliments because they might take that as meaning they should keep on trying with you. By giving a clear ‘Thanks but no thanks, it’s nothing personal just that I know you are not the one for me’ you give them permission to fully turn their attention to other matches rather than hanging around hoping you might change your mind.
It can be tempting to settle for someone who is keen on you rather than risk upsetting them but in the long run this is unfair on both of you. You need to let them go so that there’s space in your life for the right one to come in. Treat people as you would like to be treated.
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