3 reasons why people aren’t responding to your opening message

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texting a crush

Making first contact with a match is an exciting step but what if you don’t get a response? It could be there’s a simple reason why.

The couple of days after sending an opening message are often a time of heightened anticipation as you eagerly await a response. It can be disheartening if you don’t even get an acknowledgement but it often happens; here are three possible reasons why.

1.      Your profile doesn’t say enough about you

The first thing matches do when they get a new message is to look at the sender’s profile. This is the point where they’ll decide if they want to respond or not and it’s a decision that’s often made in a matter of minutes. If your profile is incomplete; has a poor or blurry cover shot; only has one picture of poor quality or is too generic then your message could be dismissed without even being read.  It’s vital to upload some good quality, clear photos of yourself, on your own, with a smiling open expression. Shots taken on a mobile phone held at arms length are rarely flattering.

Answering the profile questions as comprehensively as possible is also important because apart from your personal piece this is what matches are going to use to decide if you’re someone they would like to get to know.

Its hard writing about yourself so once you’ve written your profile ask a close friend, preferably one of the opposite sex, to take a look and give you an objective viewpoint. You can send also send it into the advice site and invite other members to give you feedback. Getting a second opinion will give you the best chance of making sure that when you send an opening message your profile encourages the match to respond.

2.      Your message is too generic

There is no doubt about it making first contact with a stranger is difficult. One of the reasons why people don’t respond to messages is simply because they feel like they haven’t been sent something that’s specifically for them, but rather an email that could have been sent to every match that you’ve ever received.

It’s important to take the time to read someone’s profile and tailor your opening message to them specifically if you want to avoid this problem.

Keep your message brief, simple and focussed on the other person. Ask open questions that invite a response rather than closed ones that just need a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. The first message you send is to see if the interest is mutual so it’s not the time to bombard them with hundreds of questions or tell them your life story.

3.      Your message is negative

Without even realising they are doing it, or sometimes in an attempt to be humorous, people send a message that gives the impression that the sender doesn’t expect a response.

Even if you’ve had a lot of failed attempts at making contact with matches it’s important that you don’t let cynicism, bitterness or self-depreciation sneak into your messages because it’s not attractive. Eventually it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy, you imply you don’t expect a response and then you don’t get one – it can become a vicious circle.

It’s important to keep trying and not be put off the dating process because of one or two failed attempts. Remember, nothing pays off like perseverance.

It’s usually not personal if someone doesn’t respond to your opening message but by being aware of these factors you give yourself the very best chance of success.


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