6 principles for a positive profile

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Self-promotion doesn’t come naturally to most of us, and sometimes neither does being positive and upbeat – especially when it comes to online dating. But positivity is attractive and injecting it into your dating profile is crucial. After all who’s going to respond to a profile that oozes negativity?

We know that the past relationships and the rigours of online dating can be wearing, and staying positive through all that can be tough. So, here are 6 principles to help you on your way towards making that profile shine through with positivity.

Positivity doesn’t mean being fake
We’re not saying you should start writing things like ‘My world is filled with sunshine and I’m looking for someone to skip down the rainbow of life with’. That would be a) probably incorrect and b) sickening.  It also doesn’t mean that you need to desperately sell yourself; instead, employ a positive mindset when writing, or ensure that you’re naturally in a good mood when you start.

Words are important
When someone reads something you’ve written, it will inevitably conjure up images and ideas in their head. Make sure these images and ideas are positive by carefully choosing the words you use in your profile. Read your profile out loud to a friend and ask them to tell you what it makes them imagine: an upbeat, positive person, or a negative moaner?

It’s not a list of no-nos…
…you should save them for your ‘Must Have/Can’t Stand’ lists. In the eHarmony profile, we ask the question ‘what qualities are you looking for?’ and yet so many people use that space to list the things they don’t want in a partner. For example, you could write ‘No lying’, but the reader will focus on the negativity of the word ‘lying’. Instead, you could put ‘Honesty’ and turn that negative into a positive.

Turn that frown upside down!
OK, that’s a bit cheesy. But what we really mean to say is that if you must include deal breakers in your profile – and to some extent that’s ok, we all have them – then find a way to make them sound positive. Instead of saying ‘Argumentative types need not apply!’, put  something like ‘Finding someone who can stay calm under pressure, and who can express their feelings clearly, is important to me’.

Better than this would simply be to focus on the positive; the unique things you’re looking for in a partner, that don’t necessarily apply to everyone else. After all, aren’t most people looking for someone who isn’t argumentative or rude?

Beware of over-sharing
Some people feel the need to be brutally honest in their profiles about certain personal traits or issues that might be seen negatively by others. It’s a way of pre-screening your matches yourself. By saying ‘You should also know that I have a persistent, red, itchy rash all over my arms and legs that some people might find unattractive’, they reduce the risk of being rejected in person.

Of course, it’s totally up to you what you write in your profile and if, for example, you’re disabled in some way and prefer to be upfront that’s totally OK. But just think twice before posting something that’s seriously personal. Ask yourself if it’ll truly affect your future partner, and if not, you might want to hold off.

Don’t go into detail
If you do have something you feel you need to tell your matches in your profile, avoid going into too much detail. Otherwise you might sound like you’re apologising for something that isn’t your fault. Make your point and move on.

Most importantly, when you’re writing your profile think about the future. That’s what matters, not past bad experiences and relationships. A positive outlook will bring positive results!


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