Using eHarmony: Communicating with your matches


Communicating with matches

Check out our guide to making the most of eHarmony’s messaging system so that you can start communicating with your matches straight-away

So, you’ve received your matches and someone has caught your eye. You’ve checked out their profile and think that you might have some things in common. But what next? It’s time to start communicating.


Using an icebreaker is a great way to find out if a match is interested in you too. If you’re hesitant to jump straight into messaging, then you can send them a smile – you’ll find the button underneath their main profile pic. If they smile back, or send you a message, then you know you’re on the right track.

Guided communication

Guided communication

Guided communication is our way of making the messaging process a little easier. It’s completely optional – you can always skip to sending custom messages straightaway – but if you aren’t sure how best to get started, then eHarmony’s Quick Questions can help.

The great thing about Quick Questions is that they can help you find out more about the things that really matter to you but, as the questions are written by us, it takes the pressure off! It’s all designed to help you kick-start a conversation and get those deal breaker questions answered quickly.

There’s a Quick Question to tackle almost every subject, from your prospective date’s opinion on romantic chemistry to how they’d spend an ideal evening in. The questions are fun but meaningful, and you don’t have to send them all; simply select the ones that are most relevant to you. Your match simply needs to choose one of the pre-selected answers to respond, and they get the opportunity to send you a Quick Question of their own!

You can send as many questions as you’d like, and it’s completely free! However, if you’d like to write your own original answer to a question, then you have to be a subscriber. Plus, if you subscribe you get to see all your matches’ photos.

Communicating through inbox

Open communication

If you’re ready to move on from Guided Communication, or you’d rather skip that step all together, then you can enter into open communication. To message a match that you’ve never spoken to before, simply visit their profile and click on the ‘Message’ button. You can send and receive instant messages – just like a text or WhatsApp – simply type into the message box and press send.

Every message you send and receive is stored in your inbox and unread messages are clearly highlighted with bold text. The number of unread messages that you have waiting for you can also be seen in the badge attached to the messaging icon.

What should I say in my first message?

It’s best to keep things simple in your opening message. Always be yourself but try to pace your communication so that you don’t end up throwing all of your information into one message. Aim for a friendly, light-hearted tone and end with a question that will encourage your match to respond.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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