How to put the spice back into your relationship with eHarmony


When you first join eHarmony it is really exciting waiting for those first matches to arrive in your inbox. There is a thrill as you read the profiles and then the excitement of making contact – a bit like when you first play the lottery – you are sure you are going to win. What often happens though is very quickly people become disappointed – either because people don’t respond to their attempts to contact them or because they don’t get matched with anyone they are really interested in. Whatever the reason, if you are feeling a bit disillusioned with the whole process here are some suggestions for making it more exciting and hopefully more successful too.

Become a newcomer

If you have been a member of eHarmony for a few months – or years – maybe it is time to go and do a good spring clean on your profile. Go over every aspect of it, including your photograph, and bring it right up to date. Maybe there are things that have happened since you first joined and have changed how you view the world or what you want from a prospective partner. Maybe you have been on a few dates and realised that your ‘must haves’ and ‘can’t stands’ look different when translated into real life and should be reviewed, or maybe you haven’t actually managed to go on any dates and need to look at the reasons why.

Review every aspect of your profile asking yourself the question – is this a true reflection of me and is it going to attract the sort of person I want to be with? Get as much help and support as you can to see your profile with a realistic eye and get rid of anything that is not working for you.

Change your settings

Another reason people become disillusioned with online dating is because they don’t get enough matches – or not enough that they are really interested in. The matches you get are based on your settings and you can change these at any time. Changing things like the age and location that you want to receive matches in can mean that suddenly there are many more eligible members and your inbox is once again teaming with possibilities. Try to be as open minded as possible and push your settings to the limits of what is acceptable to you. You will notice from that many people who have successfully found a partner through eHarmony did so because they were prepared to go out of their comfort zone and broaden their horizons – sometimes people find that the person who is a perfect match for them was not what they thought they wanted at all so it is worth keeping an open mind and heart.

Take it to the next level

People often get stuck at a certain level when it comes to online dating. Maybe they like getting the matches or messages from people but are reluctant to make contact or perhaps they like to chat online but are terrified about actually meeting someone face to face and instead of acknowledging their own fear they find fault in every match they receive. Some people manage to get to the first date but within five minutes of each one they have already decided they never want to see the person again. Look at your patterns and challenge yourself to take it to the next level even if that feels really uncomfortable to you – remember courage comes after the event, not before.


Strange as it may seem lack of success in meeting someone can sometimes be attributed to an individual’s fear of intimacy. They join the website because they desperately want to share their life and love with someone but at the same time this is an extremely frightening possibility – INTIMACY = into me see.

The important thing is to recognise if this is the case because then instead of blaming the website, or finding fault in all your matches, you can start to look at the real issues. Talking to someone else, perhaps even a relationship counsellor if your fears are very deep rooted may help. Acknowledging it to yourself is the most important thing – what are you afraid of? Do you believe that you are loveable?

Once you have got to the root of any fears you have you will probably find that the whole process becomes much easier, and also much more fun, as you are no longer fighting against yourself.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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