Why do we ask all those questions?
Unlike other dating sites, eHarmony uses a Relationship Questionnaire to help us learn all about you and find your perfect match. But how does it all work? Let us explain…
Most dating sites ask you for just a few details, then – yay! – you’re browsing hundreds of pictures and profiles. No strings attached, no commitment needed. But at eHarmony, we do things a bit differently. We ask you to complete a Relationship Questionnaire before you get started with us, and we ask you to dig deep.
Your answers to this questionnaire help us build your comprehensive personality profile, and to work out which of our members you will be deeply compatible with. That compatibility is essential, as our research has shown that it forms the basis of all happy, healthy, long-lasting relationships.
Above all, we believe that everything starts with you. After all, it’s you that’s on this journey; we’re just helping you along the way.
It all starts with you
Admittedly, our Relationship Questionnaire is quite lengthy. But there’s a great reason why we ask you all those questions; we want to get to know you inside out, and it’s only when you tell us who you are, and who you’re looking for, that we can really start our search.
The Relationship Questionnaire is also a case of getting out what you put in. Take the time to answer the questions in a natural but considered manner, and you should find that you start to learn more about yourself. Don’t rush the process either – it’s a great exercise to do one spare evening when you know you’re not going to have any interruptions. It can take some people up to an hour to complete, but we think it’s a worthwhile experience.
You don’t just fill out the Relationship Questionnaire as a learning exercise. Your responses to the questions help us build a comprehensive profile of your personality, which we use as part of the process of finding your compatible matches. This is why it’s never a good idea to fill out the questionnaire when you’re very emotional, or have had a few too many glasses of wine; it needs to be a true representation of you!
Where compatibility comes in
First, a word on what compatibility is – many people think compatibility means something as superficial as liking the same music. In fact, the Chambers English Dictionary definition for compatible is ‘able to associate or coexist agreeably’, and just because you and your date like listening to Lady Gaga certainly doesn’t mean you’ll fit that definition.
At eHarmony we take compatibility seriously. For us compatibility is what leads to happy, healthy, long lasting relationships. So, once you’ve helped us learn more about you, how do we translate that information into introducing you to other deeply compatible members? The answer lies in the rest of the Relationship Questionnaire. We ‘map’ your answers about your personality, emotions, values, and interests against our key dimensions of compatibility, which tell us who you will be the most compatible with. These key dimensions are based on things like sense of humour, what kind of energy levels you have and whether you’re outgoing or not.
Why do these things matter? Well, as a couple if you have differing energy levels, for example, the life of the partner who likes to be in bed at 10pm every night isn’t going to gel with the life of the partner who likes to go out until 2am most nights of the week. They might find each others’ differences exciting at first, but in time, these differences will become annoying, and will probably lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
The science bit
We can say all this with confidence too. eHarmony was originally founded by clinical psychologist Dr Neil Clark Warren who, after years of counselling couples in crisis, wanted to find a way to get to the root of the issue and bring the right people together in the first place. It was this idea, and his research with fellow psychologist Dr Galen Buckwalter that lead to the formation of eHarmony in 2000.
17 years later we run the only commercially-funded relationship labs in the world, and continue to research the theory behind what makes some couples work, and what makes others break-up. We also carry out research into country specific relationship issues, so that we can tailor our matching system to each individual country we serve.
Our eight strong research team are continually improving the eHarmony Compatibility Matching System.
1. You tell us about yourself in the Relationship Questionnaire, which includes questions about personality, emotions, values and interests.
2. Your basic settings (distance, ethnicity etc.) are taken to create your potential pool of matches
3. We take your answers to the personality questions and build your Personality Profile
4. Your responses to the full relationship questionnaire are mapped against the key dimensions of compatibility
5. Using eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching System® we find the people in your pool of matches with whom you will be the most compatible
6. The most compatible matches appear on your My Matches page
7. You get to start having some fun and getting in touch with your matches!
If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eHarmony today!Join Now