How to find love: ways to draw Cupid’s arrow closer

If we had a nickel for every time someone wondered how to find love, we’d have… well, a lot of nickels. Because who among us hasn’t wondered, at some point or the other, how to find somebody to love? It’s natural to want to find what we see in books, movies, or even the people around us. While some people are lucky and find their special someone early, it takes other people a little longer for Cupid’s arrow to strike.

This article shares tips and steps for finding true love by focusing on authenticity, realistic expectations, and building meaningful connections.

Ten tips for finding love that is true, rare, and real 

Finding love is not meant to be easy but when you follow some rules, you can attract the love you deserve. A new perspective and some good dating strategies are all that you need when you decide to embark on the journey of love.

Change for yourself but not to get someone to fall in love with you

When you have to change yourself to get someone to like you, there are major chances that the person will never turn out to be your true, compatible partner. You will soon realize it is difficult to be someone who you’re not.

Your goal should be to find love with someone who complements your personality. When you embrace your true self, it is easier to filter out bad matches and attract only women or men who resonate with the real you!

Tip: Strive to be the best version of yourself and wear your real personality.

Do not put a timeline to love

You should not be treating love as a life goal or a project. When you look for love, keep your heart and mind open. To attract love, you should discover what you really want. Build friendships and nurture them. When you treat love as a goal, it becomes more like a chore.

Tip: Seek true love and form meaningful relationships organically.

Be proactive – love is not a one-way process

When you want to be in love, you cannot be dreaming of a movie-like situation where you will just bump into your soul mate at a café or a supermarket. You have to get out there and put some effort. Meet people, join like-minded groups, or use online platforms – you can adopt either of these approaches or all of them.

Tip: You have to play your part in making love happen.

Set realistic expectations

Having a big list of criteria on how your partner should be or holding constricted views on how love should manifest, will only lead to disappointments. You should focus on values that are important to you rather than physical appearances or conversational flow.

Tip: Be ready to find and receive love, for it can happen anytime.

Adopt a nurturing mindset

When you meet someone new, avoid judging them instantly. Restrain from imposing expectations and drawing conclusions. Being clear and upfront about your needs is one thing, being a critic and closing off a connection is another. A nurturing dating mindset will help you in forming long-term relationships.

Tip: Make an effort to know someone well.

Set your priorities straight

We all dream of an ideal partner, but in reality, you cannot find all qualities in one person. Of the 50 things on your list, decide what is most important to you. If emotional sensitivity and core-values are a priority then focus on them. While finding love online, narrow down your non-negotiables, but don’t be too picky.

Tip: Love is all about accepting those little imperfections too.

Do not fear love

Are you divorced or you have had your heart broken several times? Do you fear the challenges of dating again and wondering how to find love?

Well, it is natural to feel awkward, scared, or both. But, remember you deserve someone worthy of your love. Put aside societal pressures. Try dating when you are ready and not when you are lonely. Stay away from toxic people and connections. If you have lost the confidence to date, make an effort to build it again – improve your looks and personality.

Tip: Identify your voids and address them. Be happy and optimistic. You can find true love.

Put your phone away

Yes, we’re all attached to our phones, and it can’t be denied that they do make life, and dating, easier – remember the days before you could call an Uber, or order food via DoorDash? But paying too much attention to your phone might mean you miss out on opportunities to make real-world romantic connections.

Tip: Work on being present in the moment – look around you, smile, make eye contact with anyone you think might be a potential date. You never know when a random stranger might wind up being so much more.

Work on being content in your singleness

We know, this sounds contrary to all rational advice on how to find love. But desperation is obvious… and can leave you vulnerable to attention from people who will take advantage. It can be hard but work on being okay with being alone – despite what society tries to tell you, you don’t need a partner to be complete. It’s better to be single than to waste months, or even years, with someone who doesn’t deserve you.

Tip: Fill your life with hobbies you enjoy. As a bonus, you might just meet someone that way!

Let go of the fairytale

While we would all love to be swept off our feet by the perfect person, or have a real-life Hollywood meet-cute, the truth is that real love is often a much quieter thing, built on partnership and compatibility rather than limerence. When you wonder how to find the love of your life, remind yourself that it’s not always obvious at first glance, and give any potential dates time to form a connection with you.

Tip: Give yourself a certain amount of time with any potential partners (assuming, of course, there are no red flags) before you call it quits on dating.

Four steps for how to find love

Regardless of what Hollywood movies or best-selling romance novels may tell you, finding love isn’t a matter of luck – it’s a journey that requires patience, effort, and self-reflection. Luckily, it’s also a journey that’s rewarding in itself, even before you get to your destination – especially if you go into it with intentionality and with a solid plan in mind. For anyone who is wondering how to find love, here are a few concrete steps you can take:

Step 1: Work on yourself

The notion of being the kind of person you’d like to date exists for a reason. While chasing perfection isn’t a great idea – and unsustainable in the long term – you should try and be the best version of yourself. Whether that means focusing on your physical health, unpacking any lingering trauma or issues from your childhood or previous relationships, or even working on your hobbies and goals. Wondering how this is related to how to find love? The more settled you are in yourself, the easier it will be to find a partner who’s worthy of you.

Step 2: Figure out what you want

One of the biggest reasons relationships fail? A mismatch between expectations. This is why when it comes to finding real love, it’s so important to sit down and figure out exactly what you’re looking for in a relationship. For instance, you might want something casual for the moment, or you might be looking to settle down and find something more serious.

Figuring out the kind of relationship you want is just the beginning – happily ever after looks different for everyone. Do you want kids? Would you like to travel, or settle down in one place? What about careers? While you can’t predict who you’ll fall in love with, knowing what kind of life you want for yourself can help a lot when it comes to building a successful long-term relationship.

Step 3: Meet new people

While in the past, you could rely on a matchmaker to find you a match, these days, anyone who’s wondering how to find love has to put in the work themselves. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to meet people, whether on the internet or in real life. Don’t feel like you have to restrict yourself to singles events or bars – instead, try meeting people who have the same hobbies as you, attend events at your local library, or do some volunteering. Another way to meet people who share your interests is through eharmony – we believe compatibility is one of the keys when it comes to how to find true love.

Step 4: Communicate

Just meeting someone special isn’t enough – communication is one of the cornerstones of a successful relationship for a reason. Clear and honest communication right from the start is a great way to avoid fights and misunderstandings. Plus, the more honest you are with a partner, the easier it becomes to create a strong and lasting bond.

How to find true love in all stages of life

If you’ve ever thought you’re too old to find love, you should know that the oldest couple in the world to get married, Marjorie Fiterman and Bernie Littman, met, fell in love, and married when they were both centenarians. So don’t give up hope yet!

You might be wondering how to find love as an older person, but also, if it’s even worth doing so. According to the National Council for Aging, intimacy can offer great benefits for older adults, including lowered stress and heightened levels of oxytocin¹ – so it’s definitely worth giving it a shot!

That said, navigating how to find real love as you get older can feel a little daunting. It’s not helped by a society that tells us, especially women, that we’re on the shelf by thirty. That doesn’t mean it’s impossible – more and more people are finding love in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. A fifth of Americans between 50 and 64 have even tried online dating!²

Wondering where to get started? When it comes to working out how to find true love as an older person, the three keys are being confident in yourself and what you want, being open about the types of relationships you prefer and what you want out of it, and being proactive about seeking potential partners.

One thing to consider when it comes to how to find love as you’re older is that you have an advantage over younger people: experience. You have a better idea of what you want and what you don’t than someone in their teens, twenties, or even thirties might.

How to find love after 40

Just because you’re 40, it doesn’t mean you’re too old to experiment – allow yourself to step outside your comfort zone when it comes to the people you say yes to. You might be pleasantly surprised by who you click with!

How to find love after 50

Give serious thought to dating online. An survey found that older adults are more likely to prefer traditional ways of finding love, which is a shame since looking for love online means that your dating pool is much larger, and it’s far easier to find someone who shares your interests and values.³

How to find love after a divorce

Our best advice for how to find love after a divorce is to take the time to focus on yourself first. Even an amicable split can leave scars, and it’s important to heal before throwing yourself into the dating scene once again.

Why you should start dating to find love with eharmony

If you’re still wondering what makes eharmony different from the many dating sites, here are a few reasons:

• Users rate eharmony as having the highest quality membership pool and the most thoughtful user profiles⁴
• Our Trust & Safety team works 24/7 to prevent scammers, bots and bad actors from accessing our platform. That’s why we’re the #1 Trusted dating app⁵
• We’re the experts. With over 20 years of experience and research into what makes relationships work, you’re always in good hands

Your guide to finding love with eharmony

Want to know more? Here’s your personal dating guide to taking your love live to the next level.

Don’t wait for love to come to you; go out and find it

Working out how to find love may seem complicated, but at the end of the day, it all comes down to patience and persistence. Even though it may seem like a fool’s errand sometimes, remember that there are eight billion other people in the world; the odds that one of them is someone you can settle down with is pretty good.

If you’re wondering how to find true love, eharmony is a great option; for more than twenty years, we’ve been helping people all over the world find partners who have the same values and interests that they do. Sign up and search for real love today.