how to get over a breakup symbolized by a woman lying thoughtful in her bed

How to Get Over a Breakup – Great Tips to Mend Your Broken Heart

by Eharmony Editorial Team - July 28, 2021

How to get over a breakup when you’re constantly staring at the phone, hoping to see their name? Has the breakup taken control of your life? Everyone goes through different feelings at different stages of a breakup. Just remember, there's no one way you're supposed to feel about it and it is completely normal.

You might be feeling as though you will never get to the point of peace. But with time and some effort, you will.  How to heal your broken heart? A key shift occurs when you get that empowering realization that you don’t need your ex to be happy! Read on to know the do’s and don’ts when mending your broken heart.

How to heal a broken heart – 10 strategies that will help you heal 

Jumping into the role of a problem solver is not the ideal way when you ask the question “How to get over a breakup?”. In the early days, give yourself time to grieve the loss. Resist the urge to isolate yourself. Here’s a guide that will help you through the process of healing.

1. Don’t view the end of a relationship as a failure

Spending hours figuring out what went wrong or even sometimes blaming yourselves for everything is part of the healing process. But overanalyzing will only ruin your present.

For example, if you were somehow more invested and willing to make the relationship work, a breakup can seem like an accusation – what you lack, or where you don’t measure up. But most times, it’s just not about you. Your ex is somewhere responsible too. Treat yourself with kindness and remove yourself from the breakup blame equation.

2. Don’t pretend you don’t have needs

How to get over a breakup? Start with taking care of yourself and pay attention to your needs; shower yourself with the TLC that you deserve.

For example, if you’re stuck in a cycle of negative emotions, try to get out of it. Redo your room, get some sunlight, eat your comfort food, and of course, it’s okay to indulge in some wine or Netflix binges, but don’t overdo anything.

3. Pen down your feelings

Vent everything in a journal – write down your reasons for the breakup, acknowledge your feelings, and list down your and your ex’s faults. Writing helps in releasing emotions, and you can heal faster.

For example, when you write, no one can tell you that you’re not in control of your emotions. No one will read them either. You’ll find that it helps process your feelings, your anger, your resentments, and longings. It helps in self-discovery too.

4. Don’t suppress the pain

How to heal your broken heart when you’re suppressing the pain? Healing is not possible if you don’t deal with the pain.

For example, if you’re not expressing your feelings and are instead being busy with work, you cannot heal. Speak to people whom you can trust.

5. Don’t get into a rebound relationship or rebound sex

You have just broken up – you’re extremely vulnerable. Getting into a relationship right away is a bad idea. It is unfair to drag someone into your mess only to take care of your loneliness. Also, don’t have breakup sex. You are only craving comfort at this point and this will create more mess in your life.

For example, if you’re dating someone just to make your ex jealous, or fill that void it will leave you in a worse situation than you were before.

6. Continue to believe in love

Relationships are beautiful – they teach us about ourselves, help us grow, they even allow us to practice vulnerability. To top that, we gain the experience of adventuring through life with someone. This is a feeling that you cannot experience in any other way. Though you can’t call a breakup a success, a failed love isn’t actually a failure.

How to get over a breakup? If inconsistencies in beliefs or values have caused your relationship to end, see it as a map that will guide you the next time you decide to date.

7. Exercise – Physical exercises can do wonders for your mind  

Scientific studies show a broken heart can even cause physical pain. A breakup causes emotional trauma and impacts a person in many ways. Exercise is known to help hugely.

For example, some people stop eating out of sadness, others use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain while some face actual physical tiredness due to disturbed sleep and eating patterns. Exercising can work wonders for your mood. Getting your sweat will help improve your physical health which will, in turn, lead to better body confidence.

8. Don’t lose perspective

Asking yourself, how to survive a breakup? The road to recovery isn’t easy but not impossible. The key is to look at the breakup in a positive light. When you reframe breakup as an opportunity, everything changes. Try to see things with a new perspective, learn from your mistakes, and figure out how to be a better partner.

For example, when you embrace your mistakes and cherish the good times, you’ll be moving one step ahead towards healing. Be positive.

9. Seek professional help

So, how do you get over the breakup if it causes overwhelming feelings that are difficult to cope with? A heartbreak is a serious (though common) issue – don’t be afraid to ask for help. A breakup can lead to stress, anxiety, or depression, especially if you were in a long-term, serious relationship. A mental health professional can help you develop coping mechanisms and help you in rebuilding your confidence.

If it’s interfering with your career or daily activities, or has made you feel suicidal or depressed, seek professional help.

10. Make your choices and move on

Start dating again when you’ve healed – making new friends and meeting new people can work as a great distraction from your heartache.

The biggest sign that you’ve healed is when you realize you can be happy without your ex and have the desire to date again. Listen to your heart and trust your gut while dating again. Joining a neighborhood club or signing up for a dating app can be a great step forward. 

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

How long will it take to heal a broken heart? Denial, pain or anger, depression, renewal, and acceptance are the five main stages of heartbreak. It takes time to successfully cross each of these stages and reach a point where you feel you’ve attained some peace. Healing from emotional turmoil takes time just like any other physical injury.

Impact of time in the healing process – There is no set timetable

Just like how every relationship is different, the healing process also happens differently. While some find themselves still grappling with pain more than a year after ending a relationship that was only for a few months, others might heal and move on in a matter of weeks, even when the relationship was a long-term one.

The healing time depends on a lot of factors such as how invested you were, whether you dumped your partner or you were dumped, and so on. Not even experts can answer how long it really takes but be rest assured – your recovery will take just as long as it needs to take.

Find Real Love Now!

Having a balanced perspective – a key to recovery

Just knowing that you can and will heal from a breakup can help you move forward. When you’re still struggling on how to get over your breakup, know your value and use this as a chance to redirect your life. Breakups are a great time to reflect, grow, and evolve. Be hopeful for the future and use this time to create the life you desire – when this is taken care of, you will exactly know what to look for in a partner. When you’re ready, try eharmony. It is the right platform to sign up for when you are looking for a compatible partner. Form meaningful connections and a relationship that lasts on eharmony!

How it works

Your search for a great relationship has never been easier with groundbreaking overhaul of the eharmony you know and trust.