Yong woman confidently standing and smiling at the camera

How to stop thinking about someone and be clear-headed again

by Ian Prior - May 14, 2021

Exes are like pink elephants. And so are unrequited crushes, for that matter. Because the more you try to think about them, the more they insist on intruding upon your memory and peace of mind. Your favourite coffee-shop? That’s where you met your ex. That film everyone’s talking about? You planned to ask your crush to see it… and then you found out they were already seeing someone. Sometimes it feels like you’re never going to figure out how to stop thinking about someone, but take heart: with time and effort it absolutely is possible to fall out of love.

6 First aid tips on how to stop feeling this way

It isn’t as easy to stop being attracted to someone else as the reverse, but here are some quick express tips for when it feels like how to stop thinking about someone is impossible:

1. Change your routines

How to stop thinking about someone? Avoid things that remind you of them – try a new coffee shop, a different route to work, a new hobby. Your brain will be so busy taking in the new information, it’ll have no time to remember old whatsername.

2. Get moving to get someone out of your head

When you exercise, your body produces endorphins. Endorphins make you happy! And happy people don’t think about exes or how to find love with a useless crush. Kickboxing, yoga, running, swimming, go for a walk… whatever your fitness level and budget, there’s an option for you, especially in the age of YouTube and Instagram. You’ll be too busy working up a sweat (and producing those endorphins) to worry.

3. Remind yourself of all the great things about self-love

That band your ex hated? Put all their albums on repeat. Your crush is allergic to Thai food? Gorge yourself on Pad Thai and Tom Kha Khai, guilt free. Plus, there’s all the other reasons it’s good to be  single – no arguments about what to watch on Netflix or whose turn it is to do the dishes, no hanging out with their crappy or judgmental friends. And best of all, no having to share the last biscuit. These are all good examples of how to stop thinking about someone.

4. Hang out with someone even better than a significant other… your friends

Like the Spice Girls song says, “friendship never ends!” Take your mind off your love life by hanging out with the people who’ll be there for you, no matter what. You’ll be so busy having fun and see how easy it is to stop thinking about someone. Living the life of a single means time for wild nights out with a group of friends, or a quiet night hanging out with your best friend.

5. Focus on you instead of others

The person you’ll spend the most time with in your life is you. The point is to take the time you would otherwise spend focusing on how to stop thinking about that someone and spend it focusing on you instead. So take this opportunity to take care and improve you. Sign up for a class, commit to putting in the time to exercise or eat healthier, or even simply decide to take more breaks and relax.

6. Write a letter

Take a piece of paper and write down (or type, but handwritten is better) every single thing you’d like to say to your ex, or that person who didn’t return your feelings. Don’t hold back – get every mean, nasty thing you want to say down on paper, make it as harsh an indictment of their character as you would like. Write until you have nothing more to say.

Pro-Tip: And once you’re done with your letter? Don’t send it. Destroy it. With fire, if you have a safe way of doing so, or if not, ripping it into tiny shreds works as well. Either way, it’ll provide you some much-needed catharsis, after which you can move on and find someone who deserves you.

Ladies, here’s how to stop thinking about him

Go no-contact

Breakups or letdowns are hard, and all too often people go stumbling back to the people who hurt them. So, it’s important to completely stop contact if you’re not sure how to stop thinking about someone. Block his number, delete his social media off your phone and forget he ever existed.

Make a list of their faults and read them every time you slip

Stop convincing yourself your ex “wasn’t that bad”, you two broke up for a reason. So, try making a list of every single bad thing about them, from major flaws to minor annoyances, and read it to yourself every time you find yourself thinking about them. Soon enough, they’ll be the last thing on your mind.

Guys, here’s how to stop thinking about her

Stay away from alcohol

It may be tempting to drown your sorrows, but it’s a terrible idea, for a number of reasons. One, the chances of doing something embarrassing (like drunk dialing her) after a few more than you should are higher than they ought to be. Two, and more importantly, while alcohol may temporarily numb the pain, it won’t actually help you get over your ex or crush.

Spend time with other people

It may not feel like it right now, but there are other fish in the sea. Even if you’re not ready to date again, a good idea for how to get someone out of your head is to spend time with other people. Just be sure not to fall into the trap of comparing everyone you meet to your ex, and eventually you’ll find one that leaves them in the dust.

Find Real Love Now!

You want to get someone out of your head? Remember, the rest of your life is waiting for you

It can be so easy to slip into a spiral of ‘what ifs’ and ‘if onlys’. But by focusing on the past, you close your mind and heart to the possibility of things being so much better in the future. It’s okay to take time to grieve what could have been, but don’t let it become an obsession. Think about ways of how to stop thinking about someone and include them in your daily routine. In time, you’ll regain self-confidence and when you are ready, eharmony is a great way to find singles that match your values and vision for your relationship. So sign up and start on your new journey to find love with eharmony.

How it works

Your search for a great relationship has never been easier with groundbreaking overhaul of the eharmony you know and trust.