How do you know if someone loves you? 10 clues you should know
How do you know if someone loves you? Unfortunately, while your feelings may be obvious to you, it’s not always easy to figure out how someone feels about you, even if you’ve been dating for a while. Sure, they’re happy to see you, compliment you often, show you affection in public… but there’s always that niggling little sense of doubt. You could ask, but then there’s the worry you might not want to actually know the real answer. In this article, we’ll look at what real love is, then talk about ten signs that show someone loves you.
What does love mean?
According to Cornell psychology professor Robert Stemberg’s triangular theory of love1 romantic love has three components
- intimacy (feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in relationships),
- passion (the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, arousal, and sexual consummation), and
- decision/commitment (the decision that you love someone, and the commitment to be in a loving relationship with them).
These three components interact with each other – greater intimacy may lead to greater passion or commitment, and vice versa.
While people who are in love experience all three aspects of this triangle, how they express their love can be very different. Especially if they have a different love language than you do, you might find yourself wondering, “does he love me?” or “does she love me?” simply because how your significant other expresses their love for you doesn’t match the ways in which you like to receive love. This can even be a problem in long-term relationships, leaving people to wonder if their long-term boyfriend or girlfriend (still) loves them.
10 signs you know someone loves you
How do you know someone loves you? They could tell you, it’s true. Sometimes, however, actions can be even more important when it comes to how to tell if someone loves you. Here are ten signs someone is in love with you.
1. It’s obvious in their body language
How do you know if someone loves you? Look at their body language. They’ll do things like angle their body towards yours, maintain eye contact for longer than usual, and smile at you. If you catch them looking at you, they’ll blush – and keep doing it, because they won’t be able to take their eyes off you. They’ll also mirror your body language, matching their movements to yours, and stand closer to you than they otherwise might. In short, if you’re looking for ways to tell someone loves you? Look for the many ways their body tells you they are.
2. They prioritize your needs
This doesn’t mean they become a doormat – that’s not healthy for either of you – but they do consider your needs and make an effort to accommodate them, like making sure the restaurant you’re going to has food you can eat, planning dates that work with any health issues you might have, or checking in to see if you’re comfortable during sex. If you have an important event, they’ll make sure to show up, or make it up to you later if you can’t. They also won’t assume their schedule or needs are more important than yours.
3. They fight fair
No relationship is completely conflict-free, which is why an important part of ‘how do you know someone loves you for real?’ is how they fight. When someone is in love with you for real, they never forget that you’re on the same team even if you’re mad at each other. They won’t try to bully you, stonewall you, or give you the silent treatment; instead they’ll try and work things out so both of you are happy. They’ll apologize when it’s their fault, and let things go when it’s yours.
4. They listen to you and value your opinion
Did you know that listening is a key part of a good relationship2? Attentively listening to your partner has been shown to reduce stress, while not listening has been proven to do the opposite. When someone is in love with you, they’ll make it a point to listen to you. Even if they don’t know the term, they’ll practice actively listening (being present in the moment, showing they’re listening with acknowledgements or follow-up questions) to you. They also take any opinion you have seriously and even if they don’t follow your advice, they’re happy to listen to it.
5. They support you
You and your partner are a team, which means you show up for each other. How do you know if someone loves you? When they show their support in concrete ways – having dinner ready when you come home after a long day at the office, making your coffee just the way you like it, handling bedtime so you have time to finish up that important project – without being asked to or expecting a reward. They also support you having your own dreams and goals without being threatened by them – in fact, they’re one of your biggest cheerleaders.
6. They respect you
Love is wonderful, don’t get us wrong, but there’s an even more important factor to consider when you wonder ‘How do you know if someone loves you?’ and that’s respect. Studies have shown that respect is key to having a successful relationship, regardless of age3 If someone really loves you, they’ll respect you in a variety of ways; they’ll respect your intelligence by taking you seriously, your time by being on time and remembering that you have a life, too, your physical boundaries in the bedroom and out and your relationship enough to be honest and loyal to you.
7. They show interest in your interests
If you’re in a relationship with someone whose interests align closely with yours, take a moment to appreciate your luck, because that’s a lot rarer than anyone would like! However, if you’re wondering how to know if a person truly loves you thenseeing how they deal with the two of you having different interests could be telling. Do they make an effort to be interested even if it’s not their thing? Do they expect you to be interested even if it’s not? Sharing interests can lead to a deeper connection as you do things together, but it’s not necessary; all that’s required is them taking an interest in the things you love.
8. They try and speak your love language
If you’re wondering how to tell if someone likes you, look at their actions. Someone who loves you will make an effort to show affection in the way you like to receive it, even if it’s not the way they usually do things – for instance, if your love language is words of affection, they will make the effort to actually say ‘I love you’ instead of just showing it.
9. They communicate with you
Along with respect, communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship. Effective communication lets you set clear expectations, avoid unnecessary arguments, and make sure your partner knows you appreciate them. When someone loves you, communication is easy. You can talk to them about anything and nothing – about problems at work, a fight with your best friend, the really awful twist in your favorite TV show – and not worry that they’ll laugh at or judge you. Communicating with each other helps you deepen your bond and strengthens your relationship.
10. They show you off
Someone who really loves you is happy to brag about you – to their friends, to their family, to anyone who’ll listen. And if for whatever reason they can’t (since you may not be out as a couple) they’ll make sure you know how great they think you are.
How do you know if someone loves you? Keep an eye out for the signs
People are different, and so are the ways in which they express their feelings – which is why it’s a good idea to make sure you’re aware of the many signs someone is in love with you. And if nobody is? Time to head over to eharmony, where our unique Compatibility Matching System will help you find people who share your desire for a serious relationship. Sign up for eharmony and take your first step on the road to real love today.