A blond woman looking at her phone, having a sad face as example for signs he doesn't want a relationship with you

Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you: 14 ways to tell the spark isn’t there 

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by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

While miscommunications and misunderstandings may be fun in a romance novel, when it comes to real-life relationships, clear communication is key. Not being on the same page as your date could lead to disappointment or unpleasant surprises for either of you or might mean you’ve wasted your time on a relationship that was going nowhere. In this article, we’ll talk about signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you, as well as whether to stay or go when it looks like he doesn’t want a relationship with you. 

Non-verbal signs he doesn’t want a relationship  

Regardless of how much we try to hide our feelings, our bodies often give them away. Here are seven signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you or signs he won’t commit. 

His body language is closed 

Does he subtly lean away from you while talking? Does he barely make eye contact with you? Are his feet pointing away from you? These are all examples of closed body language and might be signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.  

He doesn’t get jealous  

While extreme jealousy is a red flag, an absolute lack of it is one of the most common signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If you’re curious how to know if he wants a relationship with you, keep an eye on her when you are flirty with other people; if he doesn’t react, odds are he’s not interested. The same thing applies to guys; if he doesn’t get at least a little green, he probably only sees you as a friend.  

He’s keeping his distance 

Someone who wants you won’t be able to help casual touches, or, if he’se the more reserved kind, at least being more in your space than he would otherwise. If that’s not the case? It’s among the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you. And if he avoids any attempt on your part to touch him? Definitely one of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you.  

His attention isn’t on you 

The next time you ask yourself, ‘does he want a relationship with me?’ pay attention to how he acts when he’s with you. Does he glance frequently at his watch, is her attention on her phone more than it is on you? Both are pretty good signs he won’t commit.  

He refuses to be exclusive 

While non-monogamy can work for some people (and in fact is becoming more common), continuing to see other people is among the signs he won’t commit – especially if you’ve indicated that you’d like to be exclusive.  

He ignores you on social media   

In a world where relationships aren’t just official in the real world but also often get shown on Instagram or Facebook, one of the most tell-tale signs of a person’s feelings is how he acts on social media. Wondering how to know if the guy is serious about you? Look at his likes and comments – if he’s happily interacting with other people but dead silent when it comes to you, that’s a clear indicator of where he stands.  

He makes you feel on edge  

This is less about him and more than about how he makes you feel. Our gut feelings can often be surprisingly accurate, so if you come away from time spent with him feeling dispirited, low on energy, or on edge, it’s your body’s way of telling you the two of you aren’t meant to be.  

Mid-aged people sitting around a table having a dinner party together. In focus is a man distracted by his smartphone where he looks at social media with a picture of a woman.

Verbal signs he doesn’t want a relationship 

Sometimes, the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you are right there in what he says. Here are seven ways to tell if he wants a relationship.  

The conversations are all surface level 

Sure, you talk… but it’s stuff you might chat about with an acquaintance or a distant relative. Work, the weather, what you thought of that thing on the news… basically, nothing that lets you build trust or vulnerability, or leads to getting to know each other better. This might be a big sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you, or he won’t commit. 

He doesn’t show any interest in you 

He suggests watching the latest Marvel movie despite how many times you’ve told him you don’t like superhero flicks, he has no idea what your favorite food or drink is despite months together, all your dates are things he enjoys, he’s forgotten birthdays or other important events… it’s pretty clear your date isn’t interested in getting to know you.   

You’re always the one making plans… which he then bails on. 

When was the last time he planned a date? Or the last time he didn’t bail on said date (that you most likely planned) at the last minute? And when the cancelations do happen, there’s barely any regret and only an insincere apology, if that. If you’re looking for signs he won’t commit, this is a big one.  

There’s no emotional connection between the two of you 

The two of you might have fun together on dates, but when you’re having a hard day or are feeling low? You might as well not have a significant other at all for how much support yours is. Emotional intimacy is a huge part of a successful romantic relationship and for it not to be there is a big red flag.  

He refuses to meet your friends or family 

Most human beings are social creatures, and the approval of our loved ones is very important to us. Which is why, if your partner doesn’t want to meet your family or even your friends, that’s one of the major signs he won’t commit. Another of the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you? You run into someone he knows and they have no idea who you are.  

He ignores you unless he needs you  

The phone rings, a message comes in… and it’s her asking for help, or him asking what you’re wearing. One of the major signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you is that they get in touch only when he feels like it, or when there’s something they want from you, whether that’s a favor or something else. When that’s not the case, he ignores your phone calls and texts, or responds way late if they bother at all.  

He changes the subject when the topic of relationships comes up  

Perhaps one of the clearest signs he isn’t interested in you is what happens when the topic of an actual relationship is brought up. Deflections, changing the topic, or plain refusing to engage are all signs that he doesn’t want a relationship with you. If he was interested, he’d have said so.  

Two women and a man are sitting together with coffees and snacks. They are laughing and seem to have a good time together.

Non-committed relationships: are they the right thing for you? 

Ever been in a situation where you find out: “I think he loves me but doesn’t want a relationship”? Not every relationship needs to be serious – in fact, sometimes a non-committed relationship is perfect for the season of your life you’re currently in. What’s more important is the both of you are on the same page when it comes to what exactly that relationship is. This is why it’s key to first figure out what your own expectations are and then have a conversation with your partner about it, so neither of you accidentally string the other along.  

When to stay 

Sometimes, even if the signs he won’t commit are big and neon, it might be worth staying to see if he changes his mind. Three situations in which the relationship might eventually deepen:  

  • If the good times outweigh the bad times: if you’re getting more from your relationship than you give in, then it’s worth putting in the time and effort, at least for the time being. You never know when the feelings might deepen. 
  • If the difficulties in your relationship are circumstantial, not intrinsic to the relationship: Maybe it’s a long-distance relationship, maybe one of you is in grad school or going through a busy period at work. If whatever is making the relationship hard is temporary, it’s worth seeing if any improvements help stabilize your connection, too. 
  • If you like who you are with them: At the end of the day, being with your partner should be an improvement on being single. If you truly feel that that’s the case, it’s worth sticking with a non-committed relationship.  

When to leave 

Unfortunately, some things can’t be saved no matter how much we might wish otherwise. Sometimes the only way forward is to end the relationship – here are three situations where it’s best to cut him  out of your life: 

  • If the relationship is abusive in any way: You deserve better than to be treated poorly. Abusive relationships can deteriorate very quickly; don’t hesitate to ask your friends and family if you need help and leave as quickly as you safely can.  
  • When you or your partner needs to change for the relationship to succeed: While working to better yourself (or encouraging your partner to do so) expecting your them to be a different person (or vice versa) is a recipe for fights and resentment.  
  • When the relationship is not good for you: This one is simple, really. If your relationship awdds complications and stress rather than joy to your life? It’s time to end things.  
A woman and a man are standing on the street and seem to argue. The woman is looking angry and the man is annoyed.

Why He Won’t Commit to you

He’s showing the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you but you want to why? We explore the various reasons why he won’t commit in different stages of dating and how to handle it. 

Don’t settle for less than you deserve when it comes to relationships 

Communication is one of the keys to a successful relationship, as is knowing when things aren’t likely to work out – if you know the signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you, you improve your odds of winding up with a friend instead – and we can all use more of those. For when you are looking for a relationship, however, there’s always eharmony – we have a large pool of eligible singles all looking for authentic connections and serious relationships. Sign up and find someone you’re truly compatible with today! 

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