Is she the one? 10 signs you’ve found your perfect match
Some people will tell you you’ll know the answer to ‘is she the one?’ the moment you two meet. Others will tell you it’ll take so many dates, and some might even point you in the direction of websites or calculators that’ll do the math of figuring out if she’s the one for you. Realistically, though, no such website exists – each relationship is different. However, there are ways to figure out whether the woman you’re with is the one for you. In this article, we’ll look at ten signs she’s the one, a few questions you should ask yourself, and what to do when you know she’s the one.
Signs she’s the one: 10 key ways to know if she’s it for you
If you’re wondering, ‘is she the one?’ here are ten signs she might be:
1. She brings out the best in you
Have you noticed that your life has changed for the better since she has entered it, and not just because of her presence? You’re more goal-oriented now, or more motivated to improve your own life and circumstances. You’re trying to be better and do better, not because she asks it of you, but because you want to be the kind of person she deserves. Real love can be a powerful incentive to become the best version of yourself – so if she inspires you to do so? Make sure you don’t let her go.
2. She actively listens to you
Active listening is a key, and deeply underrated, skill when it comes to successful relationships, especially romantic ones. When someone is actively listening to you, they aren’t just hearing the words that come out of your mouth; they’re fully present for the conversation, noticing any non-verbal cues you’re giving them, asking open-ended questions, and paraphrasing and reflecting what you said to make sure you’re both on the same page. If she makes a point of actively listening to you, it’s a good sign the answer to ‘is she the one?’ is yes.
3. She includes you in her plans, present and future
One of the signs she’s the one is how much of a part of it you are, whether it’s right now – making sure you’re included in plans with her family, carving out time for you even if it’s just a text – or in the future – assuming you’ll be a part of her life five or even ten years from now, taking it for granted that you’ll always be a matched pair. If she wants to build a life together with you, the odds are that yes, she is the one.
4. You feel safe being vulnerable with her
Being vulnerable can be really hard, especially for anyone who’s been socialized to be ‘strong’ or ‘tough.’ A good way to figure out the answer to ‘is she the one’ is to ask yourself whether you can let yourself be vulnerable with her. While being vulnerable is never easy, studies show it can strengthen your relationship1. While it’s up to us to work on our own emotional baggage, having a supportive partner can definitely make the job easier – and if she’s the one, she’ll be right there with you.
5. It’s more than just sex with her
Don’t get us wrong, sex is great – studies have shown, in fact, that regular consensual sex increases happiness and quality of life2. That said, if you’re wondering, ‘is she the one?’ how you two relate outside of the bedroom is just as important. After all, there will be seasons in your life where you won’t have time or energy for sex – your lives might be busy with work, or you might have young children, which makes having a bond that isn’t just based on sexual attraction all the more important.
6. You trust her
If you’re fine with her hanging out with friends and don’t worry when she goes on trips since you’re secure in her feelings for you, that’s a pretty good answer to the question of ‘is she the one?’ While a little occasional jealousy is normal – we are all human, after all – once you’ve found the one, it’s overridden by your trust in her and the strength of your love.
7. You know how to resolve your relationship conflicts
You fight – of course you do. It’s normal and natural for couples to have disagreements. What matters is how you fight – can you do so while still respectful of the other person? Do you try to reach a compromise and resolve things so you’re both happy rather than trying to ‘punish’ the other person? If you answered ‘yes’ to both of these questions, it increases the chances that the answer to ‘is she the one’ is yes.
8. You’re friends as well as romantic partners
If you look at couples who’ve been together a long time, you’ll find that they’re friends as well as lovers. If you are happy to spend time in each other’s company, if you make each other laugh all the time, if you share many of the same goals and values, if she makes you smile just to think about – those are all signs that she’s the one. Studies have shown that friendship is a key part of a successful long-term relationship3 – so if she’s your friend as well as your romantic partner, that’s one of the signs she might be the one.
9. She accepts your flaws
Regardless of what online articles and magazines will tell you, women aren’t looking for perfection. In fact, a good way to gauge whether she’s the one is to look at how she reacts to your flaws. Does she accept them as part of who you are? Does she encourage you to improve while not being judgmental of you for having them? If she’s the one, she’ll look at your flaws the way she (hopefully) looks at yours – as a part of the wonderful whole that is you.
10. You just know she’s the one
Sometimes our hearts know before the rest of you has a chance to catch up. Pay attention to how you feel around her – does she make you happy? Smile just thinking of her? Do you relax when she walks into the room? Does being with her feel natural and easy? Do you have inside jokes that crack you up that nobody else gets no matter how many times you try and explain? When you imagine a normal day in your life five, ten, twenty years from now, can you see her in it? If you answered yes to all (or even most) of these questions, then you know what the answer to ‘is she the one?’ is.
Is she the one?
Five questions to ask yourself
While the list of signs she’s the one you just read is a good one, it’s not necessarily definitive. If you’re still wondering how to know if she’s the one, it might help to take some time and ask yourself the following questions.
- If you had to make a decision right now about marrying your partner, what would it be? Do you think she’d feel the same way?
- What would it take for you to walk away from this relationship? Are there things that are 100% dealbreakers vs. things that you could forgive her for under the right circumstances?
- If someone told you that you were exactly like your partner, would you feel flattered or upset? Why?
- How does she get along with your family? (This assumes you have a good relationship with your family; if you don’t, think about how she gets along with your close friends instead.)
- If she broke up with you tomorrow, how devastated would you be? Would you respect her decision, or try and win her back?
Okay, she’s the one. Now what?
Now we come to the million-dollar question… what do you do when she’s the one? Regardless of how long it’s taken you to come to this conclusion, it can be a thrilling – and slightly terrifying – thing to come to the realization that you’ve found the love of your life. Your next step will absolutely depend not only on your individual relationship, but on what stage of dating you’re in – there’s probably no way to propose on the second date without coming off like a creep, we’re sorry to say. However, it’s a good idea to think about where you want this relationship to go, and what the next step might be. One of the key aspects of a successful relationship is making expectations clear – you don’t want to be shopping for rings if she just thinks of you as a casual hookup or planning on kids when she’d rather save for trips together than college funds. Once it’s clear you’re both on the same page, time to plan the next step, whether that’s asking your date if she’d like to be exclusive if you’re in a causal relationship, all the way to popping the question if that’s where the two of you are.
There’s potential for a happy ending no matter what with eharmony
She makes you happy just to think about, the trust between you is solid, you know you’re going to be in each others’ lives years from now… all signs she’s the one. But what if the signs are that she’s not the one? Given that studies show that the average person goes through at least three relationships before finding the one, it’s not unexpected that you might find out that this relationship isn’t going to wind up ending happily ever after. All hope is not lost, however! At eharmony, you’ll find a host of eligible singles all looking for the same thing you are – a serious relationship with someone who shares their values and desires. So sign up for eharmony and take the first step to finding out ‘is she the one?’ today.