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Should I call him? The last word on whether it’s a good idea

by eharmony Editorial Team - July 3, 2024

The dates have gone great, there’s a definite connection and now you’re wondering, “Should I call him?” While more and more people forget their phones can be used to make calls, there’s something romantic about talking on the phone with your loved one. Calling someone can be scary, though, and you might have questions like, “Should I call him first?” or “Why doesn’t he call me?” Let’s look at why you should or shouldn’t call him, how your communication history can play into things, and answer some FAQs.

When should you call a guy?

One of the biggest questions in the early stages of dating? “Should I call him?” And the honest answer is… it depends. If you’re interested and you think he is too, the answer to “Should I call him first?” is absolutely yes. He might be shy or wondering if his interest is reciprocated. Even if he isn’t, some guys love it when women are confident enough to make the first move. You might also think, I missed his call, should I call him back? The answer to which is also yes… assuming you want to keep the connection going. Finally, you might decide to call him because you miss him, which is also a good thing. However, if he doesn’t miss you back, it’s best to quietly let the relationship go rather than keep calling.

Why do you want to call him?

Sure, the phone is right there, tempting you to dial. Before you hit the numbers, it’s worth taking a moment to figure out why. Do you want to deepen the connection? Then it’s best to call when you have time to spare and you’re reasonably sure he does too. Do you want to clarify something? Before you call, it’s a good idea to figure out what the problem is and what you want the final result to be. Do you simply want to check in? Unless you both are fans of phone dates, it might be best to send a text instead. 

Look at your communication history

You might be wondering, “Should I call him? Yes or no?” especially if you haven’t been dating very long. Rather than speculating, look at your communication history with him. Communication is one of the three Cs of a healthy relationship, the other two being compromise and commitment. How do you usually talk to each other? Is it via text, or online? Does he respond to texts immediately, or is there usually a gap? Also, think about your schedules. Are there times when you’re both free? You should also take the time to think about how good he is at communication in general. If he tends to be quiet between dates, he might not care for a call. 

What might happen if you call him?

Phone calls can be used to rekindle a connection, to find closure after a relationship has run its course, or even for a romantic rejection.

  • Rekindling a connection: While meeting face-to-face is the best, it’s not always possible. Texting might be more convenient, but there’s just something special about hearing a loved one’s voice in real time. While younger people don’t much care for talking on the phone, a phone call can be a great way to connect when you’re both free but can’t manage an actual date.
  • Being rejected: Sometimes he doesn’t text or call because he’s just not that into you. While breaking up over the phone is better than breaking up over text, it can still be incredibly hurtful. If this happens to you, remember that there are better things in your future.
  • Getting closure: If your relationship ends unhappily, a final phone call to hash things out can be healing. Just keep it to that one call, though – the relationship ended for a reason.

Should you call or text?

When you’re asking yourself, “Should I call him?” you should also ask yourself whether it’s better to text.

Texting doesn’t depend on the other person being free but the lack of synchronicity can also be a disadvantage, since he might not see an important message in time. Texting also allows you to send images, videos, or links rather than just messages and is also more accessible for some people. On the other hand, tone can be much harder to read over text.

With phone calls, hearing someone’s voice can feel personal and help you connect better. Additionally, it’s often easier to gauge someone’s tone via their voice than it is through a screen. On the other hand, phone calls need you both to be free at the same time. Some people also simply prefer texts.

Both calling and texting have merits and drawbacks, and neither is inherently superior. It’s crucial to determine which mode of communication suits your relationship best. 

Listen to your gut

None of the rules around texting or calling should overshadow your own intuition. Your gut feeling should be your primary guide and our instincts are often correct.

When pondering, “Should I call him, yes or no?” tune into your gut. Sometimes, our instincts discern what our conscious mind hasn’t grasped yet, alerting us to red flags. Conversely, there are times when our hearts are convinced of a connection, even if our head isn’t sure.

Regardless of whether your gut feeling about the guy is positive or negative, heed its wisdom—it may very well be onto something!

Frequently asked questions about “Should I call him?”

In this section, we’ll answer a few questions you might have when you’re wondering, “Should I call him?”

Should I call him if he’s ignoring me?

Whether you should call him when he doesn’t text back depends on the reason for his silence. If he’s busy, a simple check-in text might suffice. However, if he ignores you, it could be worth sending one text to gauge his response. If there’s still no reply, then the answer to “Should I call him if he doesn’t text back?” is likely no.

Is it better to call or text a guy?

Like we mentioned the answer to the question should you call or text really depends on the guy! It might be worth having a conversation on preferred communication styles so you don’t accidentally wind up calling him when he’s more of a text guy. Regardless of which works best, make sure you’re communicating your needs and expectations so neither of you is disappointed.

When should you not call a guy?

In some situations it’s clear calling a guy isn’t a good idea—like when the relationship has ended. But there are also subtler times, such as when you’re still dating but he hasn’t responded to your attempts to connect. If you find yourself asking, “Why doesn’t he call me?”, it could be because he’s not interested. And if you’re wondering, “Should I call him if I miss him?”, the answer is likely no.

Talking on the phone might lead to a deeper connection

“Should I call him?” isn’t a question with a definite answer. It depends on many things – on you, on him, on what’s going on in your relationship. If calling him doesn’t work out, there’s always eharmony. For over 20 years, we’ve helped eligible singles find real love with partners who share their values and want the same things in a relationship. Sign up for eharmony and take your first steps towards real love today.

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