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How To Ask for a Second Date and Get It

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

So, you’ve just come back from your first date with someone you found special. And from your perspective, it went well. But what now? Well, obviously you know you want to organize a second date and see where this connection goes.

But you may be wondering how to ask for a second date. What’s the best approach? How do you know if they’ll say yes? In terms of timing, you may wonder when to ask for a second date. Well, fear not. Our eharmony guide is packed with useful tips and advice for securing that follow-up date.

4 effective tips for how to ask for a second date

Even if you feel like the date went well, it can sometimes feel like a guessing game about whether they felt the same or your potential connection was all in your head. This is often just nerves and our tendency to second-guess ourselves.

But your approach and psychology can still matter so here are some pre-emptive tips for how to ask for a second date without sounding desperate or nervous, but rather in a self-assured manner:

  • Do a thorough post-analysis of the first date – It’s easy to get lost in the excitement and novelty of a first date that you may overlook some red flags like when you gave the wrong signals or dominated the conversation. Try to piece the date back together to see if you felt like the connection was both ways.
  • Remember to keep it simple – Second dates are important but when figuring out how to ask for a second date, try to keep in mind you’re still in the early days of your connection. Go for something laidback like telling them you had a good time and you’d like to see them again. 
  • Pick your timing – The general rule when wondering when to ask for a second date is 0-5 days, otherwise you risk losing the spark you two created on your first date, but you should also base your timing on what both of you are currently emotionally available for.
  • Have a good second date idea already in mind – When you ask, the first positive response you might get is, ‘Sounds good! What are we doing?’ This is the wrong time to be stumped for second date ideas. We actually have a few of our own to help you along.

But let’s look at some really specific text and dating app examples for asking someone out on that second date. 

Some examples of how to ask for a second date by text or in person

Depending on what you feel your initial dynamic with the other person was like on your first date, there are a lot of ways to approach the question of how to ask for a second date. Let’s explore some different ways you can go about it, depending on the other person’s personality.

How to ask for a second date confidently

Sometimes a little bit of over-confidence and cockiness can be attractive, particularly when it’s playful and you’ve already set up a kind of glib rapport with the other person.

Here are some confident ways how to ask for a second date by text:

  • “You. Me. Friday Night. Underground sushi bar. You in?”
  • “So I’ve got two tickets to see The Weeknd next Saturday and no one to share them with… any ideas :)“
  • Send her a pizza with a note on the inside saying, “I promise our second date will be better than this pizza and I already know this is your favorite pizza place.”

How to ask for a second date casually

If you feel like the connection on your first date was based on sincerity and openness, you may want to opt for a more natural and casual way to ask for a second date, perhaps even referencing an inside joke you two shared on the first.

Here are some examples:

  • “I had a lot of fun the other day! I’d love to meet up again sometime. Are you around next week?” 
  • Ask “What’s your Instagram?” and then like a few of their recent posts and casually ask them for a second date on DM.
  • If you see her often in person, try an old-school method like slipping her a note that says, “Second date?” and a checkbox for Yes, No or Maybe for her to tick.

How to ask for a second date without sounding desperate

If you’re a little unsure of how well the date went but still feel like there might be a potential connection there that just wasn’t that obvious on your first date, you may want to just sound normal and casually curious without sounding clingy.

Here are some examples that don’t sound too desperate:

  • “Hey.. I had fun hanging out the other day. Would you like to do it again sometime if you’re into it?”
  •  “Heading to the [insert a popular bar] with some friends this weekend if you’re keen to join?”
  •  “I’m going to watch the new Christopher Nolan film tomorrow. Would you like to go with me or have you seen it already?”

Try not to think too much about it and just make your move

While ‘how to ask for a second date’ may dominate our thought patterns after the first date, we generally have a good idea about how our dates went, as long as we’re receptive to the other person’s emotions. So try not to get in your head too much. Just be honest, open and direct. The worst they can say is no.

If you’re having a problem finding people who take dating seriously then try out eharmony. We are specifically designed for connecting relationship-minded singles looking for authentic lasting connections based on a scientific approach to human compatibility. So try out eharmony today and see for yourself.  

Second date – Making a great second impression

Second dates can often be a more important event than the first. But what does a second date mean in practical terms? Let’s take a look at some tips and perspectives on the lesser-considered second date in this guide.

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