Woman hugs man on sofa - she loves him too much

Is Loving too Much Dangerous? How to Know the Signs and the Risks

by Eharmony Editorial Team - July 29, 2021

You love your partner and you think it is natural to have that urge to constantly be around them. The “urge to merge” is very common, especially when a relationship is new. But loving too much can make your partner feel suffocated. Your partner is likely to think you are smothering them and the relationship is determined to fail. Read on to know the signs, risks, and learn how to restore balance to a relationship.

Recognize the signals of smothering in a relationship

What is love or what does it mean to love someone truly? Do couples have to do everything together and agree on everything? Do you think once you are in a relationship you need to have full control of your partner’s life? The answer is no. Well, these are the subtle signs of a stifling relationship which is easily masked by saying loving too much isn’t bad, is it? Learn to spot the red flags.

1. Your partner is the center of your universe

Do you know the feeling when giving becomes overwhelming? That’s exactly how your partner will feel when you show constant attention. Examples are: Sending long texts all day, keeping a tab about their whereabouts, wanting to spend every minute with them, or just asking for reassurance always. Loving too much is unhealthy and can hurt a relationship.

2. You micromanage the relationship

Micromanagement can emerge when you are making all the decisions, you are trying to take control of everything or spying on your partner. Next to this you feel upset when your partner does not agree with your plan or choices or you are defensive in every argument. Due to these actions and behavior your relationship is predetermined to go downhill.

3. You have lost yourself in the relationship  

Your partner is your priority one and there is nothing else on your list. You have alienated from all those who have been there for you in the past. You have abandoned your friends and you make up reasons to not meet your family. You have even put all your goals on hold. It’s a surefire sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Consequences of loving someone too much

Loving someone means, you respect each other’s boundaries. Loving too much means – you dismantle those boundaries, stop taking care of yourself, and do everything for your partner just to make them happy. You only end up destroying your self-worth and the love is at stake.

1. Loving too much can make your partner complacent

When you love your partner too much, they might take you for granted. For example, have you been hurt by their actions or words but never expressed it? Do you feel they don’t exert any effort in making your relationship work? You are being selfless, but your reasoning is clouded. When they know you take care of everything, they are likely to take advantage of it.

2. You will develop an unhealthy dependency

Too much love can also mean too much dependency. Do you drive by yourself? Do you manage your own finances? Do you take your own decisions? If you have given all the control to your partner, it will only leave you paralyzed if the relationship ends in future.

3. You will have no time to spare and lose track of reality

When you make your partner the center of your universe, you tend to ignore everything that used to you happy. For example, when focusing on your relationship, you tend to ignore your hobbies, passions, and even friends and family. You have no time since you will be more invested in the relationship. You might lose track of reality – because you love them too much, you let go of standards, boundaries, and deal-breakers.

4. You will stop looking for self-growth

When you neglect your own self, you might lose several great educational or career opportunities along the way. Do you believe your partner’s goals will serve you more in the end? Are you putting your personal goals on the backburner and are letting your dreams simmer away? This will make you lose your individuality too.

5. You feel depressed because of unsatisfied expectations

When you’re loving too much, it is natural to expect your partner to love and care for you in the same way. But in reality, it doesn’t happen and that is depressing. For example, you’ve let opportunities pass for them, and you expect them to the same. When they don’t match up to your expectations, you will only feel discontent with yourself and your partner.

5 tips to stop it on how to make someone feel loved without overdoing anything

  • Identify the relationship needs and set some boundaries: It’s always worth thinking about where this urge of “loving too much” is coming from. When you find the root cause, you can develop new, healthier habits and work toward a more mature relationship together. Setting boundaries will help in improving your love and self-esteem.
  • Stop being available always or being overly dependent: You can’t allow your partner to take over your life. Get a new hobby that’s just for you and add value to your “me time”. Try not to seek constant support or intimacy. Take a break and learn to enjoy spending time alone.
  • Learn to trust your partner: If you find it hard to trust your partner, imagine how it would feel if situations were reversed. Understand that a lot of problems arise from your insecurities and a lack of trust. Display your love for good reasons and not out of fear.
  • Interact and spend time with loved ones: Hang out with your family and friends often. If you’ve realized you have a clingy behavior, your friends can help you in keeping you busy and distracted. This will help in creating the much-needed space in your relationship.
  • Make some changes: There are several ways to show affection without smothering your relationship, it might just take a while to figure out how. Practice open communication – listen when your partner speaks, share power in your relationship, and see past the squabbles about the little things in life. Practicing unconditional love will make your relationship a happy one.

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Too much love is never a good idea – Keep it regulated the eharmony way

Healthy, happy relationships require a certain degree of love and attention from both partners. When one partner exerts a lot of effort into a relationship, it creates an emotional imbalance. To avoid a smothering relationship, find that delicate balance and never lose yourself in the process of loving and caring for someone. Millions of people trust eharmony to find a compatible partner to date. The Compatibility Matching System will connect you with someone who has similar beliefs, interests, and quirks. It’s a gateway to a happy relationship right from the start. Sign up today.

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