A sad-looking woman speaks to her partner from across a table

Reasons to break up – how to let go of your feelings and move on

by Ian Prior - May 31, 2021

Do you often wonder whether your reasons to break up are good enough? If you feel you have grown apart over time and approaching or confiding in your partner will only create more confusion, it’s a sign the relationship is strained. When you know deep down there isn’t a future, no relationship can be fulfilling. Here are reasons to end a relationship that cannot navigate the rough waters.

All relationships have their share of ups and downs, but it’s important to recognise whether yours’ is on the path to success or heading nowhere. Here are eight solid reasons to end a failing relationship. 

1. You have unresolved conflicts

Are the same issues wearing you down? Does it feel like you’re having the same fight, every night? When repeated, mutually wounding interactions take over you feel angry, hurt, and alienated. If every effort to resolve your differences ends in a fight then that’s when to break up.

Pro-Tip: In any romantic relationship disagreements are inevitable. To improve the odds of a successful resolution, you should always talk through your feelings without blaming your partner. Do not drag past issues into the discussion and really listen when your partner is talking.

2. You are always an option but never a priority

When love isn’t reciprocated it can feel like a personal hell. If you’re treated as more an option than a priority, it makes you question your self-worth. If you have spent a lot of time and energy, and always considered your relationship a top priority. If they treat you like an option, you end up being frustrated and constantly unhappy.

Pro -Tip: Try to express how you feel to your partner. If they’re shutting you out, or always disappointing you, it’s time to move on. Don’t make your partner the only source of your happiness!

3. You’re in a yo-yo relationship, breaking up and getting back together

Are you stuck in a cycle of breaking up and making up? Are you back with your partner because you fear being lonely or because of some sort of societal pressure? Pretending there are no bumps in the road will only make things complicated later.

Pro-tip: Getting back together without resolving your conflicts will mean treading on eggshells. You’ll never be truly honest with each other and cannot have a meaningful relationship. One of the reasons people break up for good is that it saves them from further emotional scarring.

4. The lines of communication have broken down

Partners who don’t consciously communicate will eventually face issues. Contempt, insecurities, unrealistic expectations all stem from inadequate communication. Silent treatment or brushing things under the rug won’t help.If you feel your conversations never go deeper than surface level, then you have valid reasons to break up.

Pro-tip: Effective communication is the only way to work through any underlying issues.

5. The intimacy is missing

For a long-standing relationship, you need both emotional and physical intimacy. When either is unmet it leads to frustration. Feeling emotionally abandoned and losing the desire for intimacy is one of many good reasons to break up.

Pro-tip: If you feel intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it’s important to be open as possible and communicate with your partner. Spend enough time just relaxing together.

6. Everyone else is railing against the relationship

Sometimes outsiders have better perspective on an unhealthy relationship than those in it.

Pro-tip: If your friends and family — people who are generally trustworthy and supportive — hate your relationship, listen to them.

7. You’re not growing together

Neither of you are at your best when together. There’s no personal growth, you don’t feel good about yourself when you’re with your significant other and you’re no longer thriving. A healthy relationship brings out the best in both partners.

Pro-tip: If your partner gets you down steadily, you have to face the fact that your relationship takes rather than gives energy.

8. Too many drastic differences and incompatible qualities

A relationship changes when the honeymoon phase is over. Do you feel you have different outlooks on life or clashing values? Are your eating, health, or relaxation habits different? Do you feel you have incompatible levels of emotional intelligence and attraction? If your answer is a yes to any of these, forming a long-term relationship will be difficult.

Pro-tip: It’s all about compatibility – find someone who complements you.

9. If your partner has been cheating on you

What really counts as cheating? You should first talk and clarify it. For example, hiding little things from your partner cannot be categorised as cheating. But if it’s a deal-breaker (whether or not your partner confesses), then it’s time to move on.

Pro-tip: For many, infidelity is one of the main reasons to break up.  Unfortunately, there are no magic words you can say to make breaking up easy – just be straightforward and honest about your feelings.

10. Valid reasons to break up- The relationship has become toxic or abusive

There may be several reasons to break up with someone you love but a toxic relationship is one yout should let go of without regret as it often leads to an abusive one. Avoid accusations or direct arguments when you have an abusive partner. Remember, holding on to a toxic person only leads to a stifling of personal growth.

Pro-tip: You are only resentful to the extent that you have given away your power – embrace forgiveness and move on.

Find Real Love Now!

Acknowledge the reasons to break up, accept them and make a tough decision

It is hard to turn off emotions and think practically when ending a romantic relationship. However, once you’ve made the decision, stick with it. Having a plan and knowing what to expect will help eliminate some of the unknown elements that might make you avoid the conversation. Accept it’s going to be uncomfortable and always break up in person.
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