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Reasons to Break Up – How to Go of Your Feelings and Move On

by eharmony Editorial Team - March 11, 2013

Do you often wonder whether your reasons to break up are good enough? If you feel you have grown apart over time and approaching or confiding in your partner will only create more confusion, it’s a sign the relationship is strained. When you know deep down there isn’t a future, no relationship can be fulfilling. Here are reasons to end a relationship that cannot navigate the rough waters.

1. You have unresolved conflicts

Are the same issues wearing you down? Does it feel like you are having the same fight, every night? When repeated, irresolvable, mutually wounding interactions take over, you feel angry, hurt, and alienated. If every effort to resolve a fight ends up in conflicting perceptions and interpretations, then that’s when to break up.

Pro-Tip: In any romantic relationship, disagreements and fights are inevitable. To improve the odds of a successful resolution, you should always talk out your feelings without blaming your partner. Do not drag past issues into the discussion and really listen when your partner is talking.

2. You are always an option but never a priority

When love isn’t reciprocated it can feel like a personal hell. Even worse, if you are always treated as an option it makes you question your self-worth. If you have spent a lot of time and energy in pursuing this individual, and always considered your relationship a top priority. If they treat you like an option, you end up being frustrated and constantly unhappy.

Pro -Tip: Try to express how you feel to your partner. If they’re shutting you out, or always disappointing you, it’s time to move on. Don’t make your partner the only source of your happiness!

3. You two exhibit the yo-yo behavior – Often break up and get back together

Are you stuck in the cycle of breaking up and then making up? Are you back with your partner because you fear being lonely or because of some sort of societal pressure? The fact is, pretending that there are no bumps in the road, will only make things complicated later.

Pro-tip: Getting back together without resolving your conflicts will be like treading on eggshells. You can never be truly honest with each other and you cannot have a meaningful relationship. Reasons people break up for good is because it saves them from further emotional scarring.

4. The lines of communication have broken down

Partners who don’t consciously communicate will face issues eventually. Contempt, insecurities, unrealistic expectations are all results of inadequate communication. Silent treatment or brushing things up under the rug won’t help.If you feel your conversations never go deeper than surface level, then you have valid reasons to break up.

Pro-tip: Effective communication is the only way to work through any underlying issues.

5. The intimacy is missing

For a long-standing relationship, you need both emotional and physical intimacy. When either of them is not met, it leads to frustration. If you feel emotionally abandoned and lose the desire for intimacy, then they are good enough reasons to break up.

Pro-tip: If you feel that intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it is important to try to be as open as possible and communicate with your partner. Spend enough time just relaxing together and approach each other again.

6. Everyone else is rallying against the relationship.

Sometimes outsiders have better perspectives of an unhealthy relationship than those in it.

Pro-tip: If your friends and family — people who are generally trustworthy and supportive — hate your relationship, listen to them.

7. You’re not growing together

Neither of you are at your best when you’re together. There’s no personal growth, you don’t feel good about yourself when you’re with your significant other and you’re no longer thriving. A healthy relationship brings out the best in both partners.

Pro-tip: If your partner gets you down steadily, you have to face the reason to breakup and the fact that your relationship rather takes than gives energy. You should distance yourself from such a connection.

8. Too many drastic differences and incompatible qualities

A relationship changes when the honeymoon phase is over. Do you feel you two have different outlooks on life or clashing values? Are your eating, health, or relaxation habits so different? Do you feel you have distinct levels of emotional intelligence and attraction? If your answer is a yes to any of these, it means forming a long-term relationship is hard.

Pro-tip: It’s all about compatibility – find someone who complements you and not completes you.

9. If your partner has been cheating on you

What behavior or action is cheating? You should first talk about it and clarify it. For example, little things that you hide from your partner cannot be categorized as cheating. But if it is a deal-breaker (whether or not your partner confesses), then it’s time to move on.

Pro-tip: For many, infidelity is often one of the main reasons to break up.  Unfortunately, there are no magic words you can say to make breaking up easy – just be straightforward and honest about your feelings.

10. Valid reasons to break up- The relationship has become toxic or abusive

Reasons to break up with someone you love could be several, but a toxic relationship is something which you should let go of without any regret as it often leads to an abusive one. Avoid accusations or direct arguments when you have an abusive partner. Remember, holding on to a toxic person only leads to a stifling of personal growth.

Pro-tip: You are only resentful to the extent that you have given away your power – embrace forgiveness and move on.

Acknowledge the reasons to break up, accept them and make a tough decision

It is hard to turn off emotions and think practically while ending a romantic relationship. However, once you’ve made the decision, stick with it. Having a plan and knowing what to expect will help eliminate some of the unknown elements that might make you avoid the conversation. Accept it’s going to be uncomfortable and always break up in person. And when you are ready to start dating again, try eharmony. Trust the scientific algorithms to find someone who is compatible and complements your personality. Join today and enjoy the journey of finding true love!

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