Dating App Questions: 197 Questions to Ask on Dating Apps

Figuring out the right questions to ask on dating apps is often the key ingredient in finding more success on the apps. Being curious and engaging over text when you first interact can often help distinguish you from other profiles and give you a much better idea of whether you’d have chemistry on a date.

However, it’s not just about coming up with questions to ask. It’s also about the feelings of greater closeness and connection that the answers create. Getting to know the people you match with by using compelling but appropriate online dating questions can help you build trust and begin planting the seeds from which the tender notions of companionship and intimacy can grow. This is particularly important when using dating sites and apps, as you’ll largely be connecting over text without the benefit of greater connectivity and the ability to establish physical chemistry that meeting face-to-face tends to offer. 

This is why it’s better to establish whether there’s some compatibility and attraction online as quickly as you can so that you can move forward to setting up that first date, so you can see whether the connection is strong in person as well. 

To help you get a better idea of the best things to ask on dating apps, we’ve compiled some tips and question examples. You can either ask these questions as they are or use them as a jumping-off point for formulating some questions that match your personality and communication style.

Conversation starters for dating apps

Finding the right ice breaker questions for dating online is your first step. That moment of slight excitement and anticipation when the right person catches your attention on your Discover page, you check out their profile and you just feel something inside you say, I think I could see myself with this person.

Now you just have to convince them. While your photos and dating profile will obviously do some of the work for you, figuring out how to start a conversation on a dating app gives your connection some momentum to carry the interaction forward and lets you set the right tone for a bond to develop. 

The best opening questions for dating apps strike a balance between being somewhat unique – so they aren’t like every other conversation starter they get in their messages – and broad enough that they don’t come across too forward or inappropriate – which is important with strangers.

1. If you had to describe your vibe in three words, what would they be?
2. What’s a random fun fact about yourself that’s not in your profile?
3. If your life were a TV show, what would the title be?
4. What’s a hobby you think everyone should try at least once?
5. If you could instantly teleport anywhere right now, where would you go?
6. What’s the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
7. If we were on a game show, which one would you dominate?
8. What’s a guilty pleasure snack you secretly love?
9. If you could live inside one movie for a week, which would it be?
10. What’s a dream you’ve had that still makes you smile?
11. I saw [mention their photo] in your profile. What’s the story behind that?
12. Your profile mentions you’re into [hobby]. How did you get started with that?
13. What’s been the highlight of your week so far?
14. What’s one thing on your profile you’re hoping people ask you about?
15. Besides the obvious, what are you hoping to find on here?
16. What’s a simple pleasure that you really enjoy?

First questions to ask on a dating app

These initial dating app questions are how you keep the conversation going after opening with a good ice breaker. If your conversation starter took the interaction in a certain direction, you could follow it up with questions that build on that topic and keep the ball rolling by maintaining a curious and enthusiastic energy in your messages.

On the other hand, sometimes your opening question may not really break the ice as much as you’d hoped or you may just feel like exploring different aspects of the person’s vibe and personality, to see if they’re right for you. By having some good follow-up questions, you can pivot the conversation into new directions that you have more control over and get to know the other person in a more compelling and productive way.

These first questions are how you go from being images and words on a screen to feeling like a real-life human being with a distinct personality and collection of unique qualities to the person you’re connecting with.

17. What’s your go-to emoji when you don’t know what to say?
18. If you could only listen to one song for the rest of the year, which would it be?
19. What’s the most fun thing you’ve done this month?
20. Do you prefer voice notes, texts, or memes to start a convo?
21. If you could design your ideal first date, what would it be?
22. What’s something you wish people asked you more often?
23. Do you like slow mornings or busy ones?
24. If you could win a free ticket to any event, what would it be?
25. What’s the most underrated thing about you?
26. If your profile photo could talk, what would it say?
27. What does a typical Saturday look like for you?
28. Are you more of a ‘plan everything’ or ‘go with the flow’ type of person?
29. What’s a skill you’ve recently learned or are trying to learn?
30. If you could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, who would they be?
31. What kind of music is the soundtrack to your life right now?
32. What’s your go-to “bad day” cure?
33. Is there a travel destination you’re dreaming of visiting?

Questions to ask a guy on a dating app

You may be wondering whether the right questions to ask a guy on a dating app are different from those when talking to women. While studies have found that men and women tend to generally enjoy discussing similar topics¹ what is somewhat different is how enthusiastically they discuss these topics and their level of openness.²

When coming up with some dating app questions to ask a guy, it’s generally a good idea to ask about their life, their interests and the goals they have for the future. All people enjoy discussing themselves.³ So it’s often a topic that will immediately add a certain excited energy to the conversation and it will also reveal how they approach interactions. If they don’t reciprocate with similarly personal questions, it can indicate that they would probably also be the one doing most of the talking on your first date.

34. What’s the best adventure you’ve ever gone on?
35. Do you prefer watching or playing sports?
36. What’s a skill you’re proud of that people don’t expect?
37. If you could plan a perfect weekend, what would it look like?
38. What’s your favorite kind of workout or activity?
39. Do you enjoy cooking, or do you prefer takeout?
40. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
41. What’s your funniest travel memory?
42. Do you prefer hanging out in small groups or big crowds?
43. If your friends had to describe you in one word, what would it be?
44. What’s a project you’re currently working on that you’re excited about?
45. What’s the most adventurous thing on your bucket list?
46. What’s a movie or show you can watch over and over again?
47. Who’s someone you look up to and why?
48. What’s a small thing that always makes you smile?

Questions to ask a girl on a dating app

Women tend to have different experiences from men on dating apps, which affects how you should approach the questions you ask a girl on a dating app.

Because of this, it’s important that you should just double-check your early messages to make sure they couldn’t be interpreted as coming on too strong, rude or getting too personal too soon. Remember that tone is challenging to convey in text.

Women do tend to get more messages than men on dating apps. This not only lets them be a bit more selective with their interactions but also makes them more sensitive to any perceived red flags. A good question in online dating can make you stand out from other options and also show that you have a friendly, respectful and curious approach with women.

49. What’s the best trip you’ve ever taken and what made it so special?
50. What’s a creative outlet you enjoy, even if you’re not an expert?
51. What’s a compliment that would actually mean a lot to you?
52. Who in your life inspires you the most?
53. What’s a little luxury you love to treat yourself to?
54. What’s a cause or issue you’re passionate about?
55. What’s something you’ve done that you never thought you’d be brave enough to do?
56. What’s your favorite way to treat yourself?
57. If you could master one creative skill overnight, what would it be?
58. What’s your favorite drink order?
59. Do you enjoy surprises, or do you prefer planning ahead?
60. What’s a small thing that always makes your day brighter?
61. If you could design your dream vacation, where would you go?
62. What’s a movie or book that feels special to you?
63. Do you like exploring new places in your city?
64. What’s something you always keep in your bag?

What a good question is can often depend on the type of person you’re talking to. But generally, good questions on a dating app address multiple goals simultaneously. For instance, the answer to a question about someone’s ideal weekend plans will give you clues about how they organize their life, their general energy levels, what they enjoy doing and what kind of ideas you could explore for a first date. It’s how you begin to figure out your level of compatibility, both in personality and lifestyle.

Good questions should also entertain and engage the other person. By asking someone a question they may have not heard before or by adding a unique, witty spin to the typical questions you get on dating apps, you can establish your connection on a surer footing, communicate your values and give the other person a better idea of what you’d be like on a first date.

65. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
66. Do you think you’re more of a morning person or a night owl?
67. What’s one tradition you hope to keep forever?
68. If you could relive one day in your life, which would you choose?
69. Do you prefer spontaneous road trips or carefully planned vacations?
70. What’s your favorite comfort TV show or movie?
71. What’s something you’re proud of but rarely talk about?
72. If you had a personal mascot, what would it be?
73. What’s a random topic you could talk about for hours?
74. Do you prefer texting throughout the day or one long call at night?
75. What’s something you’re genuinely curious about?
76. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
77. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given?
78. What’s one of your favorite memories from this past year?
79. How do you recharge your social battery?
80. What’s a quality you really admire in other people?
81. What are you grateful for today?

Serious questions for online dating

Asking someone a serious question puts them in a place where they need to be a bit more vulnerable with you. People often have the instinct to keep things light and humorous when a connection is new. Leaning on small talk can feel particularly persuasive when you haven’t met in person yet, because it feels like it’s less socially risky than being serious.⁴

But by also exploring deep questions to ask in online dating, you get to introduce a personal tone to your exchange that encourages you both to be more open with each other. However, you should approach this in a more measured way by starting off with questions that are simply deeper because they’re more thought-provoking than typical light banter.

Asking serious questions subtly and indirectly can help you get past some of the initial boundaries people put up against strangers in an organic way that won’t feel as intrusive as more blunt questions about people’s personal lives. A recent study showed that people who engaged in deeper topics over small talk with strangers reported greater feelings of closeness.⁵

82. What’s a lesson you’ve learned that has fundamentally changed you?
83. What does a fulfilling life look like to you?
84. What do you value more: security or adventure?
85. What’s something you wish people understood about you sooner?
86. How do you define success for yourself, outside of work?
87. What’s a belief you hold that many people disagree with?
88. What are you working on in your own personal growth?
89. What’s your idea of a long-term relationship?
90. Do you want kids someday?
91. How important is family to you?
92. Do you believe in marriage?
93. What’s a deal breaker for you in relationships?
94. How do you usually handle conflict in dating?
95. Do you see yourself living in your current city long-term?
96. What’s a non-negotiable value for you in a partner?
97. Do you believe honesty is always the best policy?
98. What’s something you’ve learned from past relationships?

Silly questions to ask on a dating app

Balancing humor with more complex topics is important in creating an online interaction that feels rewarding on a social and emotional level. But when you’re thinking of funny questions to ask on a dating app, remember that you’re not doing a tight-five at an open mic night. It’s not so much about the questions being performatively funny in and of themselves but about creating a lighter atmosphere over text where you both feel like you can joke around and laugh together.

On a neurological level, we enjoy laughing⁶ and often seek out humor in our own lives, like through the media we consume, and in our relationships. On a social level, the act of laughing together is a foundational social tool. Studies have shown that shared humor is almost as powerful a source of bonding between people and one of the most prominent indicators of long term relationship satisfaction.⁷ But remember that, unlike deep questions, you should make it quite obvious when you’re joking or it could lead to crossed wires in how you both will interpret the same message.

99. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever bought online?
100. If you had to describe your dating life as a movie title, what would it be?
101. What’s a weird food combination you stand by?
102. What’s the most embarrassing autocorrect fail you’ve had?
103. Is a hotdog a sandwich? I need to know your official position.
104. What’s a conspiracy theory you find hilarious (or secretly believe)?
105. Sum up your personality in three emojis.
106. Would you rather have spaghetti for hair or pancakes for hands?
107. If animals could talk, which one would you want to talk to?
108. What’s the weirdest ice cream flavor you’d actually try?
109. If you had to wear one Halloween costume forever, what would it be?
110. Would you rather always sing instead of talk or always dance instead of walk?
111. What’s the dumbest way you’ve ever injured yourself?
112. If your pet could text you, what would they say?
113. Would you rather live in space or under the sea?
114. What’s the most random dream you’ve had?
115. If you were a meme, which one would you be?

Flirty questions to ask on dating apps

Being flirty is one of the central aspects of online dating that helps you move your connection forward. Most of the advice we’ve given you about fostering rewarding conversations with different types of questions would help you in both a romantic and platonic interaction.

And while having a warm, familiar rapport is very important, particularly in online dating, where we tend to be a bit more guarded, dating apps are about dating so conversations on them tend to be more purposeful than encountering potential dating opportunities in real life. You can afford to be more direct and openly flirtatious on these platforms.

By asking flirty questions on dating apps, you introduce sexual tension into your dynamic without being too forward. They should be used sparingly, though, and try to gauge how responsive they seem to it when you ask one. If you flirt too much, it might make it seem like you mainly only use these services for romance rather than relationships. You could also come across too strong, if it’s not balanced with other types of questions.

116. What’s the most fun date idea you’ve ever had in mind?
117. Do you like being teased in a playful way?
118. What’s a compliment you secretly love hearing?
119. Would you rather go for a cozy night in or an adventurous date out?
120. What’s the most attractive trait you notice first in someone?
121. Do you like when someone makes the first move?
122. What’s a subtle way someone can win your heart?
123. Do you prefer texting flirty banter or phone calls?
124. What’s your idea of quality time with someone you like?
125. Do you enjoy a little mystery when dating?
126. Other than looking great in your photos, what’s one of your hidden talents?
127. If you could plan our perfect first date, what are we doing?
128. What’s your biggest turn-on that isn’t physical?
129. Are you always this good at conversation, or am I just getting lucky?
130. My weekend plans are open. Any suggestions for how I should fill them?
131. So, what’s your “tell” when you’re into someone?
132. What’s a simple romantic gesture you appreciate?

Open ended questions for dating apps

Open-ended questions are questions that can’t be answered with a limited set of answer options but instead invite more long-form answers. Questions are, on their most basic level, a request for information. There is no material social or bonding component. In this sense, closed-ended questions are more useful for ending an interaction than starting one. For instance, asking someone what the time is.

They’re necessary for getting some basic clarity on something in a conversation but open-ended questions are often what keep the conversation going. It’s particularly important to use open-ended questions in online dating because text exchanges are based on a healthy back-and-forth or they quickly wither down to a series of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ exchanges before petering out.

When coming up with questions, always keep the receiver’s perspective in mind. Before posing the question, ask yourself a few. Is this the type of question that would engage you? Would answering it reveal anything of value about the person? Does this question create the opportunity for follow up questions?

133. What’s something you’re really excited about right now?
134. What’s a project or hobby you’d love to dive into?
135. What do you think makes a great connection between two people?
136. What’s your favorite way to recharge after a long week?
137. What’s a random goal you’ve set for yourself this year?
138. What does your perfect Sunday look like?
139. What’s a story your friends love telling about you?
140. What’s a personal value you try to live by?
141. What’s something you’d love to learn or experience soon?
142. What’s a simple pleasure that never gets old?
143. Tell me about a time you felt really passionate about something.
144. What would you do if you had a completely free day with no obligations?
145. What’s one of the most interesting things you’ve learned recently?
146. How would your best friends describe you?
147. What’s a story from your life that sounds like it could be from a movie?
148. Describe your perfect balance between a quiet night in and a big night out.
149. What’s something that’s been making you happy lately?

Intriguing questions to ask on dating apps

A good list of interesting questions to ask on dating apps can help you keep the conversation going and explore someone’s general outlook on the world. They occupy that middle ground between depth, humor and small talk, leading the conversation to novel places that, while intellectually and emotionally stimulating, don’t demand much vulnerability or trust from the other person.

Intriguing questions are useful because they let you refresh the conversational energy without really affecting the tone you’re going for. For instance, you could ask someone an interesting question as a way to break the ice and get things started or you could use one to put a different spin on an already bubbly conversation.

However, because of their inherently random and somewhat free-form nature, you should only ask a handful of intriguing questions during any given interaction, or it might end up coming across as forced or like you can’t stay on topic.

150. If you could instantly learn another language, which one would you pick?
151. What’s a belief you’ve changed your mind about recently?
152. If you could live in another era, which one would it be and why?
153. What’s the most inspiring advice you’ve ever received?
154. Do you believe in coincidences, or do you think everything happens for a reason?
155. What’s a place you’ve always dreamed of exploring?
156. If you could know one thing about your future, what would it be?
157. What’s the most fascinating documentary you’ve seen?
158. Do you think people are more shaped by their past or their choices?
159. What’s a mystery of life you’d love to solve?
160. If you could have a billboard with any message on it, what would it say?
161. What’s a risk you took that you’re glad you took?
162. What book, movie, or song has had a major impact on your perspective?
163. What’s an unpopular opinion you’ll defend to the death?
164. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?
165. What’s something you’re surprisingly good at?

Pre-date questions are for when you’re thinking of asking someone out online, but you first just want to find out things that could help create an experience that’d you’d both enjoy, even if sparks don’t end up flying. You don’t have to be too blunt about it, but it should be clear that you’re asking them because you feel like the connection is growing, and you’re open to seeing where it goes by taking things offline.

Some questions you could ask on dating apps before meeting can explore things like what they enjoy doing, their general expectation from a first date with someone they met online, the practical aspects of meeting up or, if you’re feeling bold, how you could make sure to bring your A-game to the date with the help of a little inside information.

It also helps you make your interest in them clear and assures them that the text interaction is going somewhere. You should probably ask them out pretty soon after exploring these questions, though, or it could seem like you’re leading them on.

166. What are your general expectations for a first date?
167. Are you more of a coffee & chat, a dinner & drinks, or an activity-based date person?
168. What’s your communication style like? Big texter, or prefer to save it for in-person?
169. Is there anything you think I should know about you before we meet?
170. What’s a good way to know if a first date is going well, from your perspective?
171. Just for fun, what’s a green flag you look for on a first date?
172. Logistically, what part of town is easiest for you to meet in?
173. What’s your idea of a perfect first meet-up?
174. Do you prefer casual coffee dates or adventurous activities?
175. What’s something you’d like me to know before we meet?
176. Do you get nervous before first dates?
177. What’s your favorite kind of first impression to make?
178. Would you rather do something active or relaxed for a first meet?
179. What’s the best first date you’ve ever had?
180. Do you like to talk a lot or listen more on a first meet?
181. What’s something you hope I’ll ask you in person?
182. What makes you feel comfortable meeting someone new?

Deal breaker questions to ask on dating apps

As we mentioned, dating apps tend to have their own communication style that is quite uniquely purposeful (although the style can even differ depending on the platform). One of the main aspects is that it’s quite normal to explore topics and questions that you might not even normally broach on the first date in a traditional dating context, quite early on in the text exchange process.

It may feel slightly impersonal in the moment, but modern singles have less free time and resources for dating. So being more direct with your dating app questions and deal breakers is a fair way to prioritize your happiness and dating needs on a service designed to make dating easier.

183. Do you smoke or drink?
184. Do you want kids in the future?
185. How important is religion or spirituality to you?
186. Do you see yourself relocating for a relationship?
187. How do you usually handle disagreements in relationships?
188. Do you want marriage someday?
189. How important is career ambition to you in a partner?
190. Do you believe in monogamy?
191. How do you spend your weekends?
192. What’s your stance on politics in relationships?
193. Are you looking for something serious, casual, or still figuring it out?
194. What are your thoughts on [politics/religion/etc]? (Ask only if it’s a true deal-breaker for you).
195. What are your biggest relationship non-negotiables?
196. Are you okay with having pets?
197. What’s your relationship with your exes like?

What to talk about on dating apps?

It’s important to be personable and interesting when you’re looking for things to talk about on dating apps. Otherwise, your text conversation isn’t really going to stand out from the others they have in their inbox.

How to keep a conversation going on a dating app?

Starting engaging conversations on dating apps is all about creating a natural flow that feels enjoyable for both people. These tips will help you keep things moving with ease.

• Keep the conversation light and fun – Even when you ask questions that are a bit deeper, it shouldn’t disrupt the tone or detract from the momentum.
• Look at what worked before – If you’re exploring how to keep a conversation going in online dating, take a look at what’s worked for you before. Look at older conversations that went well and what didn’t resonate, then try to adapt it to your current conversations.
• Learn when to pivot – Gently change topics when you can see not engaging the other person. Your first hint will be that their answers are overly brief and unenthusiastic.
• Avoid long messages – Large blocks of text can feel more demanding to respond to. Aim for a quicker back and forth of shorter, open-ended messages.
• Ask open-ended questions – Don’t ask a question that has a short answer or one you can’t build on to take the conversation somewhere new.
• Respond kindly and thoughtfully – If you ask them a question that requires them to be vulnerable with you, be open-minded and non-judgmental about their response or they may end up regretting opening up.
• Don’t talk for too long – Try to go from messaging and establishing compatibility to your first date relatively quickly. Set yourself e.g. a time limit of 3 days.

How to answer “what are you looking for” on a dating site?

On dating apps, it’s common for people to ask what you’re looking for early on. It can feel a bit tricky to answer, but having a clear idea of your goals makes it much easier. These tips will help you respond in a way that feels natural, honest, and true to yourself.

• Know your dating goals beforehand – This answer should derive quite simply from your dating goals, which you should already have clearly established in your own mind before you even explore dating online.
• Be authentic – This is a good time to be honest with them. Don’t tell them what you think they want to hear or you’ll have mismatched expectations.
• Keep it simple – Try not to be overly specific or elaborate in your answer. Make it short, and let it speak to your dating goals and values. For example, “I’m looking for something serious with someone who enjoys being active.”
• Don’t be too direct – You can still be authentic while moderating the tone of the message. For instance, if you’re looking to build a family, don’t just say you want to get married and have children. Instead, say you’re in the stage of your life where you want to take the next step, so you’re looking for the one.
• Be reciprocal – Lastly, remember to ask them the same question back, as this is often a cue that they want to explore the topic.

How to ask someone out on a dating app?

Once you start chatting more openly and connecting over different things, it’s a good time to see if there’s chemistry in person with a first date. Here are some tips to guide you when crafting the right message to suggest meeting up.

• Make it short and sweet – If you’re looking at how to ask someone out over text in a way that doesn’t come on too strong, keep it short and simple. For instance, “You’re fun to chat to. Want to do it face to face sometime?”
• Be prepared if they say yes – If they seem open to it, follow up with something specific. Have the date location, and the time and date you’re thinking of meeting up. They may not be available at that time and suggest a different one but it’s important for your message to sound purposeful and decisive, as you’re the one who brought it up.
• Match their vibe – Use what you’ve learnt about them from their profile and the conversation to suggest a date idea that sounds like it would be enjoyable for them, even if it weren’t a date.
• Be open to different approaches – If they seemed somewhat lukewarm in their response, instead suggest something simple that doesn’t take too long and is easy to get out of if the date goes poorly, like grabbing a coffee. You may end up having more noticeable chemistry in person.