94 Ice Breaker Questions for Dating

When dating, an ice breaker question is an important social tool to have at hand. As the name implies, these help break through the outer tension one often feels when interacting with a stranger and warm the conversational atmosphere. Using ice breakers for dates does more than get the conversation started. It sets the tone for your date, creates initial rapport and lets the other person know that even if the date isn’t successful, at least it won’t be boring.

The thing about good dating icebreaker questions is that they don’t need to be incredibly witty or profound to be effective. They simply should help put the person you’re on a first date with at ease. Only once they feel comfortable and more secure in the interaction will they be able to really take in the more important features of the date, like exploring chemistry and compatibility. Conversation starters are how you establish that initial thread of connection that you build throughout the date, until that thread gains heft and turns into a solid, tangible romantic link between you two.

If you’ve been using the same old icebreaker questions for your dating efforts and find they often don’t have quite enough momentum to consistently crack that social shell people place around themselves, perhaps we can help. Let’s look at some effective ice breakers for different stages of the relationship, the best time to use them, and why they work so well in most dating scenarios. 

Good ice breaker questions for dating

Unfortunately, there is no specific universal fit-all ice breaker that will always be considered “good”. An effective conversation starter is based on a degree of social awareness and empathy in the moment. But this is often something that comes naturally to people. Studies have found that humans detect non-verbal cues to a generally accurate degree within a few fractions of a second.¹

In this sense, a good ice breaker all depends on context, timing and the other person’s personality. When it comes to good ice breakers for dating, you’re looking for something that immediately establishes some kind of warmth and connection toward the other person, encourages them to open up a bit and starts to get the conversational wheels in motion.  If you’re looking for some inspiration to get you started, here are some handy examples:

1. What’s something simple that never fails to make you smile?
2. If you could plan the perfect weekend, what would it look like?
3. What’s a small thing that instantly puts you in a good mood?
4. What’s your favorite go-to meal after a long day?
5. If you could relive one amazing day, which one would it be?
6. What’s a song or movie that always cheers you up?
7. What’s a random hobby or skill you’ve picked up recently?
8. Do you like planning your week ahead or seeing where it goes?
9. What’s one thing you always look forward to during the week?
10. If you had to describe your perfect day in three words, what would they be?
11. What’s a tradition or ritual you have that makes you happy?

First date ice breakers

Asking the right questions on the first date is more important than on any other stage of the relationship. You’ll often still be at the introductory stage of your relationship, so these questions help give you a fuller picture of the other person, explore their personality, express interest and curiosity and gradually develop an initial attraction to one another.

This whole process starts with a strong set of ice breakers on your first date. These work so well because they immediately tell the other person that you want the conversation on this date to be a two-way street. And you do that by placing the initial focus on them with the right icebreaker question while inviting them to also ask about similar details in your life. 

You can use these examples as soon as you meet up with the person, to get the conversation started or when you feel like the current topic has run its course and you’re unsure how to shift topics smoothly.

1. What’s your favorite thing to do on a lazy weekend?
2. Do you prefer coffee dates or dinner dates?
3. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
4. What’s your favorite way to relax after a busy week?
5. Do you like surprises or do you prefer to plan ahead?
6. If you could take a day trip anywhere tomorrow, where would you go?
7. What’s your go-to conversation starter when meeting new people?
8. What kind of music sets the mood for a great night?
9. What’s one small thing that instantly makes you feel comfortable on a date?
10. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?
11. Do you enjoy trying new activities or sticking to familiar favorites?

Second date ice breakers

Ice breaker questions on a second date require a very different approach from your first. While there may still be some biographical blank spaces in the other person’s story that you’d like to see filled on the second date, your ice breakers should rather focus on creating a vibrant, easy-going atmosphere that capitalizes on the initial groundwork done on the first date.  

Asking the right kinds of second date questions is quite important, because second dates explore how well your personalities, values and general outlook on the world mesh together. In essence, second dates are about seeing whether this initial attraction has legs to stand on in the medium to long term.   Similar to first dates, you can use questions like these to get the conversation started or add new energy to one that’s waning.

1. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?
2. What kind of activities help you unwind the most?
3. What’s a fun fact about you that didn’t come up last time?
4. What’s one thing you’re currently looking forward to?
5. What’s your favorite type of weekend getaway?
6. What’s something that made you laugh recently?
7. If you could have any superpower for one day, what would it be?
8. What’s a bucket-list item you actually plan to do soon?
9. What’s one thing you think every great relationship needs?
10. Do you prefer cozy movie nights or adventurous outdoor plans?

You may think that once you’re in a loving, long-term relationship, there’s no longer any need for ice breakers. However, couples’ ice breaker questions are focused on gaining a deeper understanding of your partner and approaching certain difficult or emotional topics more gently. A study published in the Journal of Personality showed that consistent curiosity is highly effective at promoting intimacy in a relationship.² 

Asking relationship questions and using light ice breakers to broach sensitive topics gives you the opportunity to explore your relationship from a more neutral standpoint. By doing this, you can nip certain relationship issues in the bud before they evolve into sources of conflict. You can use these ice breakers semi-regularly to simply check in with your partner and how they’ve been feeling in life as well as in the relationship. They can also be a great bonding exercise where you both choose to share deeper aspects of yourselves. Here are some ice breakers you could try using with your partner.

1. What’s a funny or sweet memory from when we first met?
2. What’s something small I do that makes you smile?
3. If we could escape for a weekend together right now, where would we go?
4. What’s a random inside joke of ours that still cracks you up?
5. What’s something new you’d love for us to try together?
6. What’s your favorite thing about our relationship right now?
7. If our love story were a movie, what would the title be?
8. What’s a dream date we haven’t done yet but should?
9. What’s your favorite way to spend quality time together?
10. If you could describe our relationship in one word, what would it be?

Ice breaker questions to ask a man you’re dating

The ice breakers one would use on men can often be quite simple, because studies have found that men are culturally geared towards viewing themselves as needing to take the social lead in interactions.³ Having some good ice breaker questions for dating guys can set the tone for the rest of the date, projecting the fact that you also want a strong presence in the conversation.

Don’t be scared to be assertive, either. While men often dominate interactions out of habit, a Brandeis University study shows that men are more attracted to assertive and straightforward partners.⁴ By finding the ideal questions to ask a guy and showing them that you’re open to taking the lead, you can erase some of the perceived pressure off of him and encourage him to be more socially at ease.     While most of the ice breakers we’ve included are useful for any gender, here are some that are designed to evoke openness and warmth in masculine personalities.

1. What’s something you’ve been wanting to do more of lately?
2. Do you usually plan your weekends or go with the flow?
3. What’s a skill you’ve always admired in others?
4. What kind of adventures do you enjoy the most?
5. What’s a childhood dream that still makes you smile?
6. What kind of date do you think says a lot about someone?
7. What’s your favorite way to spend a rainy day?
8. Do you think laughter or chemistry matters more on a date?
9. What’s something small that makes you feel appreciated?
10. What’s your favorite tradition or memory from growing up?
11. Who or what inspires you most these days?

Ice breaker questions to ask a woman you’re dating

Using ice breakers and coming up with questions to ask a girl is often a lot more practiced for men, who, as we showed, often dominate conversations. This is a great opportunity to separate yourself from the pack and express your individualistic curiosity and that dates should be a platform for both of you to share. This not only promotes more intimacy and trust, but it makes the date itself more entertaining because the interaction isn’t being carried by one party. 

One thing that is particular to women is that you should avoid ice breaker questions in dating that focus on superficial aspects of them, particularly their looks. Studies have shown that women respond very negatively to consistent appearance-based compliments, particularly with people they don’t know well.⁵

You can still comment and ask questions based on appearance but try to make it something that they have control over, like their sense of style or an interesting accessory. Here are some examples of good ice–breakers to use with women.

1. What’s something that instantly puts you in a good mood?
2. What’s a random topic you love talking about?
3. Do you prefer chill nights in or spontaneous nights out?
4. What’s a personal goal you’re excited about?
5. What’s a small moment from your week that made you smile?
6. What’s your favorite kind of date night vibe—cozy or adventurous?
7. If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where would you go?
8. What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn just for fun?
9. What’s a TV show or podcast you could talk about forever?
10. What’s your favorite compliment you’ve ever received?
11. Do you believe chemistry can grow over time?

Hilarious ice breaker questions for dating

Funny ice breakers use humor as a way of breaking any tension in a situation and sparking the type of interaction where you both feel like you can be funny. People often try to give common questions a humorous tone to quickly establish some rapport or mitigate any chance that the question may have a negative reaction.      

However, you can get just as much benefit from coming up with ice breakers and funny questions to ask that are simply hilarious in and of themselves. Having a good sense of humor is strongly linked to positive social value because it speaks to many supporting qualities such as inventiveness, intelligence, openness, confidence and adaptability.⁶    

It’s important not to over rely on humor, though, or your ice breakers questions may start to come off as immature or lacking depth. Start the date off with a humorous ice breaker and then throw in a few jokey questions here and there when the conversational energy starts to dip.

Try out one of these hilarious questions on your next date:

1. If your dating life had a theme song, what would it be?
2. What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened on a date?
3. If you could only communicate with memes, how would you flirt?
4. What’s the weirdest icebreaker someone’s ever used on you?
5. If your pet could describe you on a dating profile, what would they say?
6. What’s the funniest text you’ve ever sent or received?
7. If you had to create a dating app profile for your alter ego, what would it say?
8. What’s your go-to awkward small talk topic?
9. What’s a date idea that would totally fail but be hilarious anyway?
10. If your love life were a comedy movie, what would the title be?

Good ice breaker questions for dating apps

These are the types of questions you might send on a dating app as an introductory message when you connect with someone. Good ice breakers for dating apps have a different approach from traditional dating. This is because it’s almost completely text-based and you have a limited window of time in which to catch someone’s attention and get the interaction moving forward.

The best dating app questions and icebreakers tend to share similar qualities. They’re generally somewhat unique, inoffensive, open-ended, benign and communicate a certain distinct aspect about you. The right ice breaker question makes you stand out from the online crowd, expresses deeper value and compels the other person to respond, if only because they find the question so engaging. You generally only have one chance to successfully break the ice after you match with someone, so don’t be shy about it. Try different things out. Let your ice breakers be somewhat vulnerable, silly or lightly personal. Try one of these ice breakers the next time you connect with someone online and want to make an impression.

1. What’s the story behind your last vacation photo?
2. What’s something that always makes you laugh, no matter what?
3. What’s the best thing you’ve watched recently?
4. What’s your go-to comfort meal or drink?
5. What’s a random skill you’re oddly proud of?
6. If you could design the perfect weekend, what would it include?
7. What’s something on your bucket list that you’re determined to do?
8. What’s your favorite random fact to drop in conversation?
9. What’s your favorite way to unwind after work?
10. If your dating app bio had a soundtrack, what song would it play?

Best icebreakers for online dating

The above advice is quite useful on swipe-based dating apps, where you’re randomly presented with nearby singles based simply on age range. However, many online dating services offer a more specialized service, curating a list of singles based on a range of additional factors or through a psychological analysis of compatibility. These services are designed to be less crowded and competitive, so people using them tend to be less judgmental and impulsive.

With these services, there’s less pressure to make up witty or funny ice breakers for dating apps, specifically. You can generally use similar ice breakers to those you would use on the traditional dating scene. However, it still lacks face-to-face quality, so knowing how to make a strong and distinct impression through text can really help the interaction feel more personalized and human.

With specialized online dating apps, ice breakers aren’t single-use. You can employ them more liberally, like when you want to pick up the conversation again or follow up with someone who stopped responding. Here are a few questions that are ideal for these services.

1. What’s a hobby or passion that people wouldn’t guess about you?
2. If we were to grab coffee right now, what would you order?
3. What’s your ideal first date vibe—relaxed, funny, or adventurous?
4. What’s the most unique compliment you’ve ever received?
5. If you could describe yourself using three emojis, which would you choose?
6. What’s something you wish people asked about more often?
7. What’s your favorite simple pleasure?
8. What’s your go-to conversation starter when chatting online?
9. What’s something random you’ve always wanted to try with someone?
10. If our first chat turned into a movie scene, what would it look like?

You may be wondering what’s generally the best approach for using ice breakers questions when dating. Here’s a simple guide.

• Plan out some ice breakers beforehand. This will make you less nervous about them and give you something to use if you draw a mental blank.
• Find the right time to introduce it. A great time on a date is soon after you’ve greeted each other and have settled down enough to start talking. During lulls in the conversation is also a good time.
• Try to strike the right tone with your ice breaker by keeping it light and somewhat humorous. You should avoid coming across as too serious or self-important.
• Look out for non-verbal cues that could be telling you the current topic isn’t very engaging, like a closed posture or folding their arms. A good ice breaker question can gently pivot the conversation to more exciting avenues. 

• Don’t use an ice breaker if the conversation is already flowing or you’re already engaged in another topic. It can interrupt an already positive exchange.

How to choose the right ice breaker questions for a date?

Some ice breaker questions suit certain situations and personalities better. Let’s look at how you can decide on the best one for your date.

• Try to think about what topic your ice breaker will naturally lead to and ask yourself if that’s a topic you’d find engaging in conversation.
• Try to gather context clues, either from their dating profile, friends in common or their social media accounts to figure out where their interests lie.
• Use your surroundings to make up a humorous ice breaker about the decor or ask them how the venue ranks in their current list of local favorites. Something you can both instantly mutually relate over.
• Make sure that your ice breaker suits your personality. For instance, if you break the ice by asking them about their interest in outdoor activities, they’re going to assume that’s where your interests lie.
• When you’re unsure, it’s often best to play it safe with broader, unobtrusive ice breakers and figure out more personalized ice breakers based on their response. 

Should you prepare ice breaker questions in advance for a date?

Yes, you should prepare ice breaker questions when dating, beforehand. You may not end up using them, but studies have shown thatimagined interactions have profound emotional and practical benefits.⁷

A study published in the Communication Reports journal supports this. It found that planning a conversation and imagining the outcomes you want from that interaction allows us to rehearse and ease our nerves. It also helps you be more solution-oriented in conversation, giving you more mental agility in how you deal with various possible responses and control over how you come across.⁸

However, don’t overprepare, or the questions may end up sounding obviously rehearsed, which can come across as inauthentic. You should have a well-thought-out but loose plan of the ice breaker question you plan on asking, while being flexible enough to abandon that plan if a more exciting conversational avenue presents itself.

How to follow up after asking icebreakers on a date?

After you use ice breaker questions in a dating context and get a positive response, you may be wondering, what’s next? Well, a good ice breaker always aims to find common ground. However, that may not present itself with the first question. Prepare some follow-up questions that are about finding where your sentiments overlap. Some of your ice breakers may be somewhat close-ended so that the response can reliably inform what to ask next. If you’re worried about this, you can plan contingency follow-up questions.

Another simple method is to simply ask them to elaborate more on a specific part of their answer. For instance, you could ask them what makes them feel that way or to explain a certain technical aspect they mentioned. When you do follow up, show that you’ve been listening actively by interpreting and incorporating their response into your next question.

And remember to always leave space after an ice breaker for them to ask you questions as well or the interaction may start feeling one-sided.

How to transition from icebreakers to deeper conversations on dates?

Light conversation is great during the early phase of the date, but you should be moving the conversation into deeper waters as the date progresses. Here’s how to do that.

• Make the questions you ask progressively deeper and more personal, using what you’ve learned about them to shape the questions to their communication style.
• Make sure that when they ask you questions that you try to include certain deeper aspects of yourself in the answer. Disclosure encourages disclosure.
• Use hypothetical what if scenarios to explore deeper topics without requiring either of you to be directly vulnerable.
• People often want to go deep with the wrong topics. If they start to expand when talking about past relationships or bad experiences, they’re likely just trauma dumping on you. This is one-sided and doesn’t promote intimacy. Try to pivot the topic to mutual ground.

How to break the ice on a first date?

Let’s look at a guide for how to use icebreaker questions in dating in a way that feels organic.

• Start off with one of the icebreaker questions used in dating that we’ve provided or come up with your own. But make sure it’s a small, generally neutral topic like exploring their tastes or how their day went.
• If they don’t ask you a question back, you can always just volunteer your answer to the question you just asked.
• Maintain a positive tone, even if it takes a few tries to warm them up.
• If your questions aren’t getting a warm response, try using a topic you know you share common ground on and ask for their opinion or advice on the issue. This can be as simple as asking, “What do you think?” after making a statement.
• Don’t ask too many questions in a row or it’ll seem like an interview.
• Be vulnerable and lightly self-deprecating to show that you don’t take yourself or the situation too seriously. 

What icebreaker questions to avoid on a first date?

Any topic that’s boring or too personal. You should avoid anything that you’d use as small talk with an everyday acquaintance, or the date won’t stand out at all. The language learning platform Preply recently surveyed 1000 US adult users and found that sports, current events and work were the most dreaded topics of conversation in daily life. Asking about past relationships or their current status was viewed as being positively socially repellent.⁹

Even if you know you support the same sports team or are similarly affected by current events, discussing them often makes people default to standard conversational scripts, where they’re not engaged but simply trying to work their way through the interaction until it ends.

Discussing relationships is a bad idea regardless of how they respond. As we mentioned, if they respond enthusiastically, it should be a serious red flag for you. If they find the question way too personal for someone they don’t know well, it may very well be a red flag for them.

How to break the ice on dating apps?

Breaking the ice in online dating can be quite distinct from how you’d approach it in real life. Here are some ways you can go about it.

• Research their profile to find a conversational hook you can build your icebreaker question around.
• An ice breaker should always be short and to the point. You want to catch their attention and make them curious about you.
• Compliment them on something other than their looks.
• Try using humor in your opening message to come across as more friendly and approachable.
• Ask them a random but funny hypothetical that gets them to lower their guard and get the conversation flowing.
• Make the question personal to them – so that it doesn’t read as generic – while making sure it isn’t intrusive or inappropriate. 
• When words fail you, remember that there’s always a funny or cute GIF out there that can help pick up the slack.