man sits alone on mountain as symbol of what to do when he pulls away

What to do when he pulls away? Positive strategies to respond

by Ian Prior - May 26, 2021

You thought the relationship was progressing well but now you’re confused and upset. You’re not sure whether you’re just being insecure or if he is actually withdrawing from the relationship. So, what to do when he pulls away? Are there power moves and ways to respond and recover? The answer is yes, but you should first find the reason his behavior has changed. Why do men pull away? Dig deep into his feelings and find out why. Here’s a guide for getting to the other side, smarter and stronger.

Why do men pull away? 3 common reasons

The signs are quite obvious: your relationship feels like it’s stagnating, he seems to be uninterested, he cancels on you often and something just feels off. It’s always one excuse or the other and you have no clue why is he backing off. The reasons can range from fears, anxieties and insecurities to desperation. The three most common are:

1. He fears commitment or loves his freedom more

Perhaps he feels the relationship has moved forward too fast. Or that he’s still young and doesn’t want to settle down. Some men love the thrill of the chase but fear serious, long-term relationships. A committed relationship needs effort and time – he may withdraw if he feels he is losing his freedom.

2. He is stressed in other areas of his life

Wondering what to do when he pulls away if he is not communicating or not confiding in you? Sometimes it has nothing to do with the relationship or you. He is just stressed – it could be work or personal issues with his family, friends or health.

Sometimes, pulling away is a defence mechanism. His past experiences can make him afraid of going through heartache again. He is likely to withdraw and spend more time by himself to figure out what he really desires and values. Men don’t share such things to avoid worrying you and tend to distance themselves instead.

3. He’s not that into you

This could be hard to swallow – especially if he has shown initial signs of commitment but then starts acting strange. Some men don’t communicate their true feelings as they do not want to hurt you. If he feels you don’t share life goals or is no longer attracted to you, he is likely to distance himself in the hope that you’ll reach that conclusion by yourself.

What to do when he pulls away? How to react and deal with the issues

What can you do when he pulls away? Are there ways to stop him from withdrawing? Figuring out why men pull away is important but coercing them to stay is not wise. Here are eight great ways to deal with the situation:

1. Resist the temptation to ask him what went wrong

Stay calm and create space – distance really can make the heart grow fonder. It is hard to stop that urge to communicate but it’s essential. It creates the opportunity for him to miss you and if he does, he will approach you. If you continuously text, call or ask his friends about him, he won’t value you.

Tip: Don’t be needy. If you go after him you will push him further away.

2. Keep your emotions in check and your interactions positive

Don’t freak out, your relationship isn’t over. He probably just needs some time. If he has pulled away or ghosting you it does not always mean he is not interested. Keep your interactions positive. Let him know you are there for him. Do not beg, plead, or force him to open up his feelings.

Tip: Try not to show anger or bitterness.

3. Be patient. If he is stressed, try to help

Struggles with work, health, or family can sometimes take a toll on relationships. Men often deal with such circumstances differently. They try to handle things without relying on you or others.

Tip: It’s a time to be empathetic and come back stronger together.

4. Ask him what his insecurities are

You can have a loving relationship if you know how secure or insecure he is. If he is insecure or is unable to get over past bad experiences, you can always help. Understand his fears, calm him down and reassure him. Avoid criticism, and praise often.

Tip: Be supportive. Do things that will make him feel loved and this will build trust.

5. Focus on yourself

Wondering how to make him fall in love with you? Give him space and stop worrying about what you did to turn him off. When he withdraws, it can negatively impact your ego and self-esteem. So shift your focus – get busy or distracted. Don’t stop your daily routine and don’t feel guilty about focusing attention on yourself.

Tip: Use this time to rediscover what you love about yourself. Engage in hobbies and spend time with family and friends.

6. Don’t respond with fear or become paranoid

What to do when he pulls away often and keeps coming back? It is important to clearly communicate your feelings. If you respond with fear or become paranoid, you’re stripping the value from your man and the relationship. Send him a message after a ‘week of quiet’ to see how he reacts. Keep your conversation casual – do not blame or accuse. If he is receptive, great! If he doesn’t respond, then know it’s time to move on.

Tip: If he is still indifferent it is a strong indicator he is not into you.

7. Be ready to face the outcome

Showing indifference can attract a man – it;s alluring. Don’t treat him or the relationship like the centre of the universe. When you are paranoid over the prospect of losing him, you send out desperate signals. He will lose interest and maybe even break up with you. You have to be prepared to deal with the outcome no matter what.

Tip: If it’s not worth the hassle, walk away.

8. Take your time

You have invested time and effort in him but that doesn’t mean you should endure endless suffering. Especially, if you have always supported him and never did anything wrong. You deserve better.

Tip: Accept not every relationship is meant for love. Retrace your steps.

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Not all men refuse to talk or withdraw completely. When you’re compassionate and give him space, he is likely to open up. However, relationships do break down and can reach a point where they can’t be fixed. Life’s too short to waste on a doomed relationship – give yourself time and move on. If you’re ready for dating again, try eharmony. It is your best bet when it comes to finding someone who wants something just as serious. Allow the smart algorithms to find you a compatible match. Join today, sit back and let eharmony take the wheel.

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