Why arguing with your partner can be healthy for your relationship

Relationship studies  |  February 1, 2017

When it comes to relationships, we all know that arguments aren’t fun. However, research conducted by eharmony suggests it may actually be beneficial for some couples to fight. It was found that the impact of arguments on a relationship is largely dependant on the personality types of the couple involved – whether it’s something mundane, or a more serious issue.  While 24% of people in relationships say they never fight, the average British person has six arguments with their partner per month. The most common triggers for disagreements are: not listening (47%), saying the wrong thing (34%) and thoughtlessness (29%). Snoring (13%) and a lack of sex (10%) both also feature in the top 10 reasons why couples fight. 


of people in relationships say they never fight

Top 10 most common reasons for conflict in relationships

While half of British people agree that arguments are a natural and normal part of relationships, the research shows that they are typically more productive between more confrontational people. A majority of those currently in relationships (59%) view themselves as argumentative, with women more likely than men to identify themselves as confrontational.  In cases where both people admit to being argumentative, the study shows they felt better than the average couple post fight. Conflict is often an immediate release of tension, which enables both parties to get their feelings off their chests and feel like they are being heard.  Often once the heat of the moment has passed, they feel closer to one another as a result. The same cannot always be said for those with opposing temperaments. In these cases, arguments between confrontational and passive people will tend to make the aggressor angrier and the more passive person anxious and upset. To combat this, both need to remain aware of how their actions appear to their other half and watch their body language and tone.

% of people who believe these are the causes of arguments in their relationships

Not listening

Insensitivity/saying the wrong thing


Money worries

Family concerns


Always on the phone (distracted by technology, the internet)


Working hours

Sex (a lack of)

n = 2,000; Percentages rounded; supported

Using conflict to make your relationship stronger

Some personality are naturally better at dealing with conflict, arguments can be of benefit to most relationships if handled correctly. The key is to remain respectful of your partner and their opinion and work towards finding a shared resolution. Yes, the stress caused by arguments is very real, but don’t forget that temporary tension can give way to resolution and hopefully a deeper understanding of your loved one.


times a month is the average amount that couples argue, or 72 times every year

Study information
  • Study typeSurvey
  • Sample Size2,000
  • Reference Period2017
  • Region/City/CountryUK
  • LanguageEnglish